Wait, what was that third one? You think you’ve seen it somewhere before? Then you probably follow Dude With Sign on Instagram. Yep, since the first article we published about him, the man found some more things to stand up against, so we figured a part 2 was in order. Here it is.
He Says, From the Small Window of His Apartment
Well, we're so sorry if we want to go back to a time when we weren't stuck inside all the time, working or staying away from other people. Some of us like to go elsewhere if we have the chance.
Maybe if you traveled a little more, Dude, then you would be able to hold up cardboard signs in far-off, distant lands like...Yonkers. Or New Jersey. Soho isn't the only place in the entire universe, you know? You should see a little more of the world. There are lots of beautiful street corners for you to stand on to try and convince everyone of your strongly-held beliefs.
Sometimes They Just Have to Happen
This one shouts put what goes through everyone's mind. So you have a big group text or a server on discord or something like that, and then two people start conversing about something specific. Maybe they've gotten into an argument, or they get into a gab sesh about something that nobody else seems to care about. It happens, and it happens a lot sometimes.
It seems that the Dude doesn't like this, but maybe he's just that kinda guy. Sorry man, we can't all communicate with only cardboard signs. Some of us have to use the tools we have been given.
Where Do You Think You're Going?
Why yes, the plane has landed on the tarmac, but that doesn't mean you're any closer to actually being able to leave and move into the airport properly. We bet there are thousands of examples of a plane being on the ground but unable to approach the bridge, thanks to one thing or another. Stay seated until everybody can leave, or you're just getting in the way.
You probably won't even be able to do anything – you're just outing yourself as impatient. Stay seated and relax a little bit even tough you have been seated for the past eight hours. None of us get enough relaxation time in our lives.
You Can Just Ask
Almost anything can be a name these days, even a first name. Let's not even get started on last names. Sure, there are multiple spellings of almost every first name, but spelling them is nothing more than a quick question and a few letters.
Maybe the people who work at these places just don't make enough to care one way or another, or they're too busy, or something like that. If they can pronounce it properly, why does it matter if they spelled it wrong? Let's just all get on with our day in peace. Here are some examples of difficult names to spell. Leigh, Eugene, and Xzavier.
Ships by Weight, Not Volume
No doubt you have opened up a bag of your favorite chips to find that it's already half-empty ( ot half full) by the time you reach your hand inside. Sure, there are a couple of reasons why this might be the case – they put a certain number of chips inside, and then the chips all settle together.
Perhaps they intentionally pack fewer chips than will fit in the bag and fill the rest with air, so the chips have some cushioning, and you don't get a bag of crumbs from the store. It makes those ultra-rare full-of-chips bags all the more wonderful.
We Actually Care About This
Does this count as a crowd scene from the Dude? There are a lot of people in the shot, whereas usually, he's just standing against a wall with one or two people walking past. We wonder why he decided to switch it up. Maybe he just needed a change. Regardless, the sign he's carrying is correct.
People try to say, “I couldn't care less,” but they get it wrong for one reason or another. The Dude is fully correct in this matter unless you're trying to tell people that you care a lot. We care more about how people talk, so take care.
Please Stop Asking
We're sure this has happened to almost everybody that is reading this right now. You're going through life, perfectly happy to be single (or not perfectly happy), and a family member or friend asks if you've been seeing anybody lately. So very often, it's an older family member. They just want what's best for you.
But, if you aren't happy to be single, this can come off as a tough line to take. Our go-to is to ask them if they have anybody in mind. We find that the odds are they don't. On the off-chance they do, maybe that person will end up being someone special.
Doesn't Mean We Can't Keep Saying It
Yeah, we get that this little line is overplayed if you're saying goodbye to somebody a day or two before New Year's Day, and sure, we know that humor comes from the unexpected. That means that eventually, people will get more and more tired of this “joke,” though it's not even really a joke.
Still, it's just so much fun to say it! As we said, it's barely a joke – more a clever line that brightens the place. It doesn't even have to make people laugh. It's just there to spice up a convo. Anyway, we are pretty sure it will be heard next 31st of December too.
Yeah, Stop Doing Whatever That Is
This is an Instagram thing when you share the Dude's carefully-planned and thought-out cardboard signs to your “stories” on the 'gram. The thing about these stories, though, is that they go away after a day, so people can't CONTINUE to see the Dude's posts.
We have to come to the conclusion that the Dude finds this unacceptable if he's going through all this effort to tell people to stop it. We don't really know why other than he doesn't want people to share it in a way that disappears after twenty-four hours, but that's about the best we can come up with.
Something We All Understand
Once social media started coming into its own – from Myspace to Facebook to Twitter and on and on – we started seeing more and more meals showing up in pictures. At first, this was allowed, but as time went on, many people started to get more and more annoyed that all we were seeing was just someone's dinner over and over.
Now, the number of people who hate this kind of behavior probably outnumbers the people who actually do it every time they make a meal or go out to eat. Still, Dude With Sign drives it home, pointing out that you should just eat.
Where We Can Safely Ignore Them
TikToks are a newer thing when it comes to social media, but it's already one of the most popular formats. They have a certain feel to them, almost like a scent that has been oozing out into other platforms. Nowadays, it's simple to see TikToks on Twitter, Instagram, and elsewhere. Even ignoring the fact that TikTok is clearly a China psyop program, these TikToks pretty much regularly rot the brain.
Imagine if some eighteen-year-old tried to tell you what the world was like as you, at thirty-five or something like that, watch during your lunch break. It's just hard to take it seriously.
I Just Like Guys From Liverpool
There are a lot of bands out there that are famous thanks to their music, but tons of people barely even listen to them. AC/DC, the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, and several more. They're the kind of thing you see in the store in piles, among all the other stomach-turning pop culture shirts that little goblins like to wear nowadays.
While we don't know if we're fully on board with not wearing t-shirts of bands you don't listen to (if you've heard one song, does that count?), it does seem a little bit like an “I like them because they're popular” sort of thing.
Everybody Needs to Take a Day Off
Seems like Dude With Sign had to have some time to himself, and we can't say we blame him. He's pretty busy, planning signs and making signs, and standing on street corners holding signs. Hopefully, this sign didn't take too long for him to make because he looks pretty thirsty.
Is this the only time we get to see the Dude when he isn't on a street corner, looking like he doesn't have a care in the world? We think there are some other times when he's in a building or something like that, but this is a little different.
Getting Dad in on the Fun
Uh oh – it looks like Dude With Sign might have forgotten to send his dad something for Father's Day. But don't worry, a brand deal with Old Spice is here to help. Maybe the whole holding cardboard signs thing has a genetic component, or maybe it was just a fun way to celebrate Father's Day.
Dad's looking good in a new robe and shades, and we're told he smells pretty good, too. We're going to have to take their word for it, though. It doesn't matter if you're a sign-holding dude or someone reading this article, don't forget Father's Day.
You All Know Why They Do This, Right?
Well, now, that looks like an interesting program or internet service to use, doesn't it? It doesn't matter what kind of service we're talking about – anything from music to bookkeeping to stock photography. You want to try out the free trial, but it's asking you to enter your credit card number. Why, then, if you're just giving it a free trial?
It's because if you don't stop the service before the free trial ends, then they can charge you for another month, three months, or even a year of use. Be sure to read those terms of service carefully, everybody.
And Yet, They Shouldn't
We're not going to mince words here. We don't like “The Bachelor.” Yes, even low-brow trash TV like this show has its place if you need to shut off for a little while, but it's just not something we're interested in. You can't get to know somebody by hanging out in a house with them for a few weeks.
You have to spend real time with that person – and just that person! No wonder many of these relationships fail; they're being built on a sand dune. There is other TV to watch, you know. Netflix has great shows; anything, including the evening news, is better than watching The Bachelorette.
It's Pretty Hard to Beat
When it comes to pure Christmas magic, there are many options if you want to put on a movie. However, few of them are able to stand up against the 1990 classic “Home Alone.” It introduced us to Macaulay Culkin, gave us the wet bandits, had an amazing score by John Williams, and was a barrel of fun for everybody.
It has a great atmosphere, and you really feel for Kevin in the movie – he's bullied, forgotten, and hunted by mean thieves. But he gets the better of everybody and learns all about himself and his relationships with his family, too.
Someone Who Doesn't Go the Gym That Much
Yeah, if you're just dealing with some ten-pounders and barely breaking a sweat, you might not have to grunt that much. However, if you're actually trying to get stronger, grunting comes in handy. But, yeah, obviously, there are a bunch of people that need to try and keep it down a little bit.
Also, why is the Dude wearing an Oculus Rift? Why is he in the gym carrying a sign and holding an Oculus Rift? Something about this image is fishy. If he's in VR, why is he also in the gym? Why does he care about grunters if he's playing a video game or something?
Blame the Germans
English has a ton of little odd foibles and details that don't make sense when you're trying to learn it. More than one goose is geese, but more than one moose is mooses. More than one ox is oxen, but more than one box is boxes. It's all over the place. English has collected a bunch of languages together, and this word comes from the old Germanic Wodnesdaeg, which basically translates into Wodan's day.
Wodan was a god in the pagan tradition (possibly he was Odin), and English has a lot of roots in classic German. We just kind of slur it together and call it good.
All Right, All Right, Fine
It's just...it's a really annoying chore to have to do! You have to get everything off the bed, take all the sheets off, wash them, and then do one of the most dreaded tasks of all: put the sheets back on the bed. How is it possible they don't fit properly, no matter how you arrange them?
Yeah, we should all probably do this a little more often. At least then we would be able to enjoy the warm, comfortable feeling of fresh sheets more often, so we got that. Is the Dude specifically calling out men in general? It seems a little stereotypical.
Despite how many people moan about the number of divorces going on, most people only get engaged once. And guess what, there are always going to be more people making their way to the aisle. People are excited to show off that fancy new ring or some fun engagement pictures because they're excited!
Dude, are you really trying to tell people not to be excited about getting engaged? We can't cross that line with you, Dude, we just can't. Do you expect people not to get engaged to make you happy? It ain't gonna work, no matter how many cardboard signs you hold up.
That's a Really Good Question
We love nicknames here. Rob for Robert, Gabe for Gabriel, Dave for David, Mike for Michael, and so on and so forth. There are a bunch of choices of nicknames for Richard, but one of them tends to stand out. Yes, it's Dick. You could have gone with Rick, Ricky, or Rich, but you chose Dick instead. How does that even make sense?
It's like having a nickname for Elizabeth to be something like Seth. It just doesn't track. There's also...you know, the additional connotations that come with the word. It's really fallen out of favor in the last few decades, and maybe that's for the best.
It's Telling Me Things About Myself
Tons of websites require at least a little bit of this every time you want to look at your bank account or something like that, and it's getting annoying. Yes, it's absolutely for a good reason, and we're glad that no robots can get to our money, but it still drives us up the wall if there are two or even three layers of captcha or “click to confirm you aren't a robot” pages before we can see our important financial information.
Plus, what if you find out that you ARE a robot? It hasn't happened yet, but we could be heading in that direction.
Dude! Come on! It kind of is, but we can see where the Dude is coming from. Sure, maybe you didn't bite off that side of the food you're double-dipping, but it's still a faux pas no matter what. If you're just hanging out with friends, you might be able to get away with it, but if you're at a fancy party, stick to the single dip.
It can spread germs, it can mess up the dip, and you don't really need to do it. That's the main thing – just grab a different chip or carrot or whatever. Don't use the same one twice.
A Piece of Classic Advice
Ah, something that has been passed down through the ages. It has never skipped a generation. Maybe you don't know, or maybe you do, but it's always a better idea to go shopping when you aren't hungry. If you're hungry, your brain will slip into a little bit of panic buying. You'll end up buying a lot more food than you need, which isn't good for either your waistline or your budget.
Try to go shopping after a meal, or at some other time when you aren't hungry. This can be difficult, but your budget – whether for calories or dollars – will thank you for life.
We Have Some Good News for You
If you're annoyed about how many ads you have to sit through when you just want to watch a video about changing a flat tire, boy, have we got some fun advice. There are things like ad blockers that you can put on your computer or even your phone, and poof! No more annoying YouTube ads.
You'll still have to sit through the ads that are part of the video itself, but those are usually a lot easier to watch. They're actually creative or funny sometimes, instead of just brands telling you how great their stuff is or how cheap your next holiday in Cairo can be.
I Don't Need Any More Shame
Look, things are a little tough for all of us these days. Food prices keep skyrocketing, gas prices are still high, investments are going down, and housing prices are going up, too. We all have to tighten our belts. So if you pop in for some groceries and my card doesn't work, please don't yell it to the entire store.
Please don't use the alarm that goes off when a card is declined, that just seems unnecessary. Whisper the news to me, or write it on a piece of paper and slide it across the counter. Just be chill, man.
We Don't Know What to Say
It seems that Dude With Sign has a friend! Good for him. Now then, about peeing in public. Some people get a little gun-shy when they know other people are around them and they're trying to do their waste-removal business. People with great moxie could use a public bathroom at work to go number two. Sometimes you just have to go.
This separation could be seen as falling down the gender divide, with guys generally having an easier time regulating fluids in public unless we're talking about, like, PUBLIC public. This is a classic example of how, men, no matter how you believe you can, there is no way you would survive alone in this world. Behind each one, there is a more funnier woman.
They're the Real Heroes
What is it with phone batteries these days? After they're fully charged (which takes quite a bit of time since we're on the topic), you turn your head to look at something else for a few minutes, and the battery has already fallen to eighty percent. Most of the time, this isn't a problem – you just charge it at home.
But what if you're on a trip? On a car ride? Out at a restaurant for an entire night, for some reason? Hopefully, you have that one friend who comes prepared. How do they keep all that stuff in their bag?
Maybe That's for the Best
Things have been moving fast when it comes to money in the last few years. Where first there was bitcoin, now there are all sorts of different kinds of electronic money that spins a silver web around your head. It's coming more and more into use as people get into it, but it's still regarded as something that is confusing, even scary.
We wish we could help, but it's not really something that we have come to understand that much, either. Is it just the umbrella term for what is essentially electronic money? We think that's what it is. Maybe not?
Words Mean Things
The word literally has gone through a lot of changes in its lifetime. Upon its inception, it meant something that was from a book, as in literary. Within a short period of time, it changed to meaning something that is true, something that is not fake or false or overblown. For some reason, however, it's now come to mean...well, whatever.
It's used as an appendage to add weight to something. As we see from the sign the Dude is carrying, it's now something you use for emphasis. No, you are not literally dead. Unless we have some tearful family members to comfort, don't use it like that.
It Takes a Little More Than That
We all know that telling someone that is upset to “calm down” is going to get us yelled at, so it's best to avoid that. However, there are some things that can actually help. Step one is to remain calm yourself. Make sure there's some space between the two of you – it can protect you and help the person relax.
Don't mirror them, as in don't act how they're acting. Stay calm and dispassionate. Show empathy for whatever the person is going through and try to understand them. Finally, and this is the oddest one, I suggest taking a walk.
Asking the Important Questions
If we're talking about animal milk, the steps are generally pretty easy. The milk comes out of the udders. However, when talking about something like almond milk, things get a little bit murky. Do you just squeeze the almonds really hard, and that produces a liquid? That sounds a lot harder than it should be.
In reality, it takes soaking the almonds for a period of time, then cleaning them and grinding them up. After that, press the resulting almond meal for almond milk. That's a short explanation, anyway, we bet an almond farmer would give you a more detailed account.
Is This Not Clear to Everybody?
If you're on an elevator, there are a few unwritten rules that, let's be clear here, should probably be written. And here we go! Face the front, and help others face the front if it is within your power to do so. Do your best not to create any smells inside the cab because there's nowhere for it to go.
Finally, when the doors open, the people inside the elevator get to leave before anybody gets to enter. We almost can't believe that this isn't obvious to everybody, but we guess some people are just impatient. This should be taught in primary school.
Really, Just Stop Using It Altogether, Please
If you want to look your name up in Urban Dictionary, we'll make it easy for you. Every single name has at least two definitions: Someone who is the best, the purest, and most powerful person that you could ever possibly have in your life or someone that is the absolute dregs of society. We're talking about someone that could not be a worse person if they tried, and it doesn't even seem like they're trying.
An absolute, irredeemable cad of a person that deserves all the bad things that happen. There are no in-between options, though there might be more than one version of the good or bad.
Two Hours, Max
For some people, you cannot get to the airport early enough. It doesn't matter if you have to sleep overnight in the terminal; you will be as ready as possible for your flight, with enough time for duty-free shopping. Anxious people have this problem, and it makes perfect sense – if you miss your flight, you are in major trouble for any number of reasons. Still, you don't have to get there that early, do you?
Maybe in some of the really big airports, like in New York or Los Angeles, fine, but most places are small enough that you don't need that much extra time.
Depends on the Person, Really
Sure, kids might frown at the idea of opening a wrapped box and finding some socks, but socks are pretty darn important. Cold feet are never fun. While some people will reach adulthood and still hate to see a piece of practical clothing among their presents, we bet there are plenty of people out there that wouldn't mind them.
Believe it or not, socks are a great choice for someone who isn't expecting a gift. A surprise present is always welcome, and there are tons of sock designs out there for everybody. We guess we disagree with the Dude on this one.
I'm Trying to Stay Secure
For some reason, if you're trying to connect to a certain Wi-Fi network, some machines have a problem. Instead of the close, secure, fast one that you're sitting right next to, they will try to connect you to the insecure and weak one that seems to be coming from a building over or something like that.
We guess if your computer knows you want to be on a network but doesn't know which one, it will try to get onto the best option, but we have no idea why it would choose some of the networks it does. Maybe AI could someday explain?
And We Know You'll Be Back
Many people are leaving social media for one reason or another these days. Maybe they don't like the changes to their favorite platforms, or maybe they've realized it's a detriment to their mental health. Some people are so tied into their online lives that they find it necessary to tell people they're leaving.
Maybe if you're a big name, like a famous artist, sure, but most people, however, don't need to do such a thing. They can just go. Some people may wonder where you've gone, but they'll just realize you're off living your best life away from screens, which was God's initial intention.
Netflix Seasons or Network TV Seasons?
Because none of us just don't think either is all that possible. Let's say a Netflix season is ten episodes at forty-five minutes each. That means a season is at least seven hours, but it could be as many as ten. If you wanted to watch five seasons in a day, you'd need three screens!
It's even worse for network TV – let's estimate twenty-two episodes at twenty minutes each, and that's being generous. That's still more than seven hours, which means you'd be lucky if you got through three in a day. Sorry, Dude, we just don't think this is possible.
Start With It!
It's well-known that being able to take a complicated subject or a long story and distill it down to the basic elements – in order not to waste people's time – is a good skill to know and something you should always try to do. People are busy, and if you're not a very good storyteller or speaker, you will just end up bored. Thus, the Dude's sign rings true to us.
Distill the story down first, and then if they want more information or are more interested, you can add details. The rule of thumb is to start with a short story. Shorter is better when it comes to stories, usually.
We'll Take It Up With the Sun
Yeah? And? What are we supposed to do about it? You're either asking us to try and change a fundamental element of how the solar system works, or you're asking us to shift a millennia-long format for the week. Or you just want Mondays off, which we guess we can get on board with. Still, even if that sounds nice, it's going to be a big change for the world to take on.
Some companies have tried going to a four-day week by giving people more hours Monday-Thursday, but it's been a mixed bag. Also, in the winter, you never get to see the sun.
Maybe You Should Be on Time, Then, Dude
Being punctual is a mark of respect for others. You don't keep them waiting too long, especially if it's past the stated start time of an event. If it's something like a Zoom call, then you don't even have to drive there, you just have to sit in front of your computer with hair that looks halfway decent and a shirt that doesn't have any stains or holes in it.
You could even do it from your phone. It's not that hard, man. Sure, give people a little bit of leeway, but punctuality is a virtue. Don't you sometimes wish we could go back to the 1980s?
Crafted From the Finest Sugars
Why do those things seem to be the most fragile items in existence? You know things are bad when one single company, the famous Nokia, is known to be indestructible, but everything else is going to explode into shards of hot metal if it falls a foot onto a soft carpet. We certainly agree with the Dude here, but we're not sure what else can be done.
A lot of hard work and man-hours go into making smartphones. Maybe you should just get some of the cheaper versions? You know, the ones that cost a hundred and fifty bucks and not a full thousand dollars? Just a thought.
Pick a Better Password, Then
It's up to you to find a way to remember your passwords. You could also just write them down on a piece of paper that you keep in a secure place. There are also plenty of computer programs that keep track of your passwords for you. Finally, you could come up with passwords that are long (and thus more secure) that are actual terms, like the famous XKCD comic about passwords.
The suggestion is correcthorsebatterystaple, though many sites would need things like special characters or numbers. The Dude is correct in that his password is hard to remember, but there's always a better way.
Where Does He Get All the Cardboard?
We've never used Shazam, but we imagine not being able to hum a song into it to figure out what the song is makes a person faint with annoyance. Having a song stuck in your head without knowing the name of it might just be one of the levels of hell (a higher level for people that didn't return their carts at the grocery store). But if you can only hum it, Shazam isn't going to be able to help.
Thankfully there are a bunch of other ways to do it with various results. We usually just ask that one friend everybody has who has an encyclopedic knowledge of all things musical.
They Hated Him Because He Told the Truth
We can't figure out why anybody tries to pretend that red onions actually look red. They're purple. They're purple! Maybe a reddish-purple, but we defy somebody to find a red onion. Perhaps they were red back in the day before the growing organisms were further modified, but they are now purple.
The only solution is to go into the bookstore and start writing little notes in the margins of cookbooks so that people know the bold stance you have decided to take. This will get you banned from the bookstore, but there's no other way to do it. Another question we have now. Are tomatoes related to cherries?
In Fact, They Hate It
Every once in a while, some genius comes up with the idea of putting their pet in some people's clothes. It never really works out. Sure, some dogs need little booties to keep their feet safe out in the snow, or they need sweaters to be comfortable in the cold. Other than that, however, dogs or cats and clothes don't mix all that well.
If you try hard enough, you might be able to get your pets used to them, but it just doesn't look good, and the pets will be uncomfortable for the most part. At the very least, keep all kinds of masks and headgear away from them.
It's an Intimate Act
There are lots of people out there that love the idea of living in the future. We might not be zooming around on jetpacks, but we do have a Star-Trek-level device in our pockets or hands. Back in the day, there was lots of talk about video phones, but it took quite some time before they came into vogue.
Now you can zoom, facetime, or do all other sorts of things, but some find it...intrusive. Maybe they're not looking their best, or maybe they just don't want to look at you. Make sure the other person is okay before you look into your camera.
We Are a Little Scared of the Bald Dude
The Dude has had long, shaggy hair for so long that it seems unnerving to see him with a bald dome. But, the message on his sign is true enough. There are times when it's best to wear something appropriate or something that fits in, but you can always add a dose of your own flair. Or remove an important part of your famous image, like the Dude here.
You're in control. We can't guarantee you'll look good, or that other people will accept your new look, or that it will even be a good idea, but you can always try.
Many Young Men Just Became Angry
So you're just getting started in your life as an adult. You have a little place of your own, but how are you supposed to decorate it? You can get some posters or pictures, maybe some wall hangings, but all those bookshelves need something, too. You've just emptied a bottle of your favorite rye – why not wash it out and display it?
That's the thinking of millions of people around the world that haven't learned any better. Sure, it's better than nothing, but there are so, so many other things that you could do to make a place your own.
We Think the Cat Was Wearing Them
AirPods! They're pretty great. They go right in your ears, and then you can listen to music while using them. Now that the basics are out of the way, boy is it hard to find those stupid little things.
Are they in your pocket? In your jacket? Your purse? Your wallet? Did they fall out while you were in the car? Did you lose them on the subway? Maybe they're in the bathroom, or you accidentally put them in a drawer while putting away the clean silverware. What's even worse is when you're looking and find ONE of them. You've looked everywhere and found one of two.
I Get So Nervous
It's not the easiest skill in the world, but plenty of people do it without issue every day of their lives, depending on what city they're in. If you aren't used to doing it, however, it can be pretty nerve-wracking. The other cars are so close!
Many people find it better to perform under pressure if they know nobody is actually looking at them while they're trying to align their vehicle. It's some kind of stage fright. We're not saying that we'd do any better if nobody is looking, but at least nobody will see us hit the other cars.
There’s No Way to Classify
So you're flipping through stories on your Instagram or whatever new social media has all the kids under its sway these days, and you see something that makes you wrinkle your nose. But you've just told that person or business that you saw the story. Uh oh. Maybe they think you're actually interested in the sort of disgusting thing that they've posted. No, certainly not. Keep that stuff to yourself.
Even worse, now the platform itself might think you're interested and show you more! This is even worse since now you have to either stomach it when it pops up again or go in and manually tell the platform you aren't interested.
Let the Man Rest
We love to see a little bit of meta-humor when it comes to an account on Instagram like this one. He's been holding up so many signs for so long, no wonder he's sore. There are plenty of exercises one can do to make that sort of motion easier, though. We'll start you off with some classic presses, move on to Arnold presses, and maybe do some lateral lifts and some rows.
We will get you cut, Dude. You will be the strongest professional cardboard sign holder the world has ever seen. Not like...that will be all that difficult. We think there are, like, two.
Okay, Thanks for Telling Us
We're starting to wonder if this guy doesn't have a phone or anything. Maybe this is just the way he communicates with all his friends. They've all been hounding him to see “Top Gun,” and this is the only way he has to let them know that, yes, he will see it.
Were people really worried about this? This guy seems like the kind of person who goes to see every movie that comes out but doesn't talk about them at all unless you bring them up. We guess there are worse kinds of people. Note: when you are finished with Top Gun, you have got to watch "Top Gun: Maverick."
After the Age of Seven, It Is Improper
Hard agree with the Dude on this one. Whether it's daddy's little princess at the age of twenty-eight or some weird sexualization that has taken over the minds of the next generation like a parasite, the word daddy has a shelf life that has been ignored.
If you're still using it when you hit an age that has double-digits and your hair is no longer one solid shade of brown, it's time to cut it out. We're not saying it has to go away forever, but it shouldn't be the main way you refer to your father. Just go with Dad. Or throw it back to Pops. That's classy.
I Just Want to Be in a Pool
Pretty hot out, y'know. Really getting up there in the temps. Hey, that's a nice pool you have, it looks like it'd be pretty fun to take a dip at the end of the day. What's that? Yeah, I did happen to bring my swimsuit and pool towel. Oh, no, I bring them everywhere I go, just in case there's an opportunity for some fun in the water.
No, no, I swear, I bring them everywhere. Well, yes, I'm carrying them with me right now, so what? I didn't know you had a pool, really. A friend with a pool. The best a man ( or any one actually) can get.
They Will Thank You
The sign is correct – letting your friend know a quick and simple way to keep their appearance at a high level is never going to go unappreciated. This can include food that is stuck in their teeth, a zipper that might be down, a shoelace that is untied, and plenty of other things.
It's best to let them know in a way that doesn't draw attention to it, such as a text message, so they can fix it and leave no one else the wiser. That's being a pal. If you can notice it, we're pretty sure everybody else can, too.
Come On, Try a Little Harder
There are two ways to think about this sign. On one hand, the Dude is correct – if you paid closer attention to people when they are introducing themselves, you'll probably remember their names a little better. Most people are too focused on introducing themselves, however.
On the other hand, remembering names is a skill you can practice – you don't have to have a terrible time remembering names if you do something that will force you to remember lots of names on a daily basis. How you choose to do this is up to you, but if you really want to get better, you can do the work.
We Have a Whole Article About This
Trust us when we say that a friend who knows how to apply sunscreen onto your back is worth their weight in gold. They don't just spray it on and let it drip down, they actually rub it around so that it covers everything.
Sunburns are a difficult time no matter who you are, so somebody who is willing to give you a helping hand to keep you safe from the dangerous rays of the sun is something to treasure. Just make sure you return the favor so that nobody has any burns. You never know when that day comes.
Depends on the Elevator
There are lots of stories and half-understood facts about close-door buttons on elevators. Some people think they don't work at all, some people think there is a mysterious code of button pushes that firefighters or police officers can do to get them to work. The truth is they usually do work, but they won't just close right away.
They have computers attached that ensure nobody gets hurt, and they're not just going to slam shut as soon as your finger brushes the button. Let us say there are certainly some elevators that have working close-door buttons – we use them every day. Maybe you're just impatient.
The Inquisitive Ghost
The short answer is probably that you cannot. You can't do that. Social media, group chat messages, and the like are all about information, and it seems anathema for them to just let someone slip away without notifying everybody else. Everybody must know that Brody doesn't want to be part of the cousin's Secret Santa exchange or something like that. That's okay, Brody's not very good at giving gifts anyway.
There are, according to the brand deal attached to this picture on Instagram, some chat apps that give you the option to leave without telling everybody. That will be nice for people that are anti-sociable and impolite.
What if We Add Some Cheese?
While vegetables and roughage like lettuce are good options to add to your meals if you want some health, it's all too easy to turn those salads into calorie bombs. Rich ranch dressing, croutons, bacon, cheese – it all adds up. If you want to build better salads, use a variety of different fruits and veggies.
A little bit of dressing is fine, but the lettuce shouldn't be swimming or drowning in it. Also, ADDING a salad to your normal meal might mean more vitamins and fiber, but replacing something with a salad is an even better option. You'll feel better afterward.
You Mean Nothing to Me
There are some people out there that require constant affirmation from their friends or family, but there are lots that don't. If you say "good job" to somebody and they seem not to care, they might just be thinking about their credit score, one of the numbers that rule our lives whether we know it or not.
Not having to rely on the approval of others can be a good thing, but it does tend to isolate you from real affection. If someone ends up seeing you as a good person, having their approval could be something that means a lot.
Start Blaming the Movies
Whether you're a grandmother nestled among grandchildren or a busy working stiff who just wants to relax, a movie is a great time to catch a nap. We recommend “The Tree of Life.” Much better than watching it, trust us. Just let people get some much-needed rest during their time away from the rest of the world.
As long as they aren't snoring, drooling, pushing or sleepwalking, they aren't hurting anybody. Maybe movies need to be a little better at getting people invested instead of just filling the screen with pretty visuals and flashes of color. How about that, huh?
Some People Like to Sleep Late
There are lots of people who sleep in hotels because they have to sleep somewhere before getting back on the road or on their next plane. There are also some people who sleep in hotels because they're on vacation with their kids, and that can cause problems when it comes to getting out of the hotel by a certain time.
Some places even say that you have to be out by eleven or ten in the morning! If you have a bunch of little ones, this becomes nigh-impossible. Then there are the people that need a little more shuteye to get ready for the next day.
It's Called Common Courtesy, People
“Thank you” is two words, and you have to think that it wouldn't be that hard to say them, but here we are, holding a sign in solidarity with the Dude. Sure, being open in that way isn't always the easiest thing for some people to do, and there are a lot of times when it just slips your mind because you're worried about car repairs or your sick kid or something like that, but let's all try a little harder.
We can start small – give that friendly person a nod if they're holding a door for you. Ignore the awkward feeling – that's just your self-importance talking.
It's Hard, and Nobody Likes It
This protest sign comes from the fact that we sometimes can't escape limitations. You can't include a keyboard with a TV. There are plenty of ways to hook them up, but so many programs like streaming services or browsers require you to use your remote to slowly navigate around a digital keyboard like you're back in middle school, learning how to type with your pointed index fingers.
None of us like to do this, but for many people, there aren't any other options. There are sometimes voice commands, but those are hit or miss. Bring back the keyboards, and bring it back now.
Just Throw Them Away!
The garbage can is right there! You're just creating more work for yourself in the future. Yes, maybe you can sometimes get a little bit out of the jar of jam or whatever is hiding in the back of the fridge, but most of the time, it's more trouble than it's worth. Rinse them out, replace the cap, and put them in the garbage or recycle them.
Your fridge will have more space for actual food, it will probably smell a little nicer, and you'll feel better about your cleanliness. Here's the rule – if you have to scrape around the edges to get any little morsel, get rid of it once you're done.
Yup, Tastes Like Wine
We're going to be honest – we don't have much experience in this one. Put a glass of wine in front of us, and we might take a sip or two, but it's just not the sort of thing we like to drink. If you're being asked to choose a wine for everybody, you might have no idea where to start.
Red? White? That weird pink version that has become so popular for no reason you can figure out? Apparently, there are notes of elements that can get into wine, but it all just tastes like vinegar to us. Have someone else pick the wine.
Probably on a Street Corner, Holding a Sign
While the Dude has had what many might call a unique career path, everybody can agree that this question is just annoying. The only people that think about it other than in a job interview are those annoying super career-focused bros or lady bosses that you try not to follow on LinkedIn because they're the only ones that post.
Most of us don't care where we are in five years, as long as it's in a comfortable home surrounded by loved ones. Maybe it will be at this company, maybe another company. Who knows. Can we get back to my resume?
Sorry if We Don't Want a Dessert for Breakfast
There are lots of ways to spruce up your normal morning drink. You can add classics like cream or sugar, or you could go all out and get something that is just an ice cream shake with caffeine when you think about it. On the other hand, there are lots of people that take their coffee black – as God intended.
These people often have a little bit of a superiority complex and might loudly flaunt their coffee drink of choice. This can annoy people who want something a little special, as the Dude's sign tells us. We mean, what's wrong with a tall, skimmed hazelnut frappuccino?
Maintain Six Feet at All Times
There are a lot of people out there that need some physical contact. For some people, it's their actual love language, and a friendly hand on theirs or a small touch on the shoulder can mean a lot more than you think. However, to some people, being touched by another is like poison in their veins.
The idea of having someone come up and wrap them in a hug without the proper prep time is like a nightmare. Yes, those people might need to get over themselves a little bit, but this sign is much punchier. We don't want to be hugged. Thank you!
Stand on the Right! On the Right!
Some people have places to be. Some people need to get moving to their next plane or to their waiting Uber. Maybe they need to get home and see the kids or feed their cat or something like that. And maybe they're getting really frustrated with people that stand in the middle of a moving walkway, blocking the way, as we see here.
Obviously, the Dude came to the airport with this picture in mind, but if he did, it's still a big enough issue to need a sign. Then again, for some reason, we suspect this could be a photoshop job.
Word of the Day: Bloviate
To bloviate is to talk at length, especially in an inflated or empty way. And, if you pay attention to what people are actually saying, many people do it way too much. They will talk on and on, and you're sitting there waiting for the important information, or the point, or whatever, and they'll just keep talking because they don't know how to stop, or they like the sound of their own voice.
Please, just send a text. You have to actually think about what you're going to say in that case, and that makes it a lot better for all of us.
You're Just Deluding Yourself
Man, does this guy have a sign for everything? We know he's been doing it for a while, but still. The experts are in agreement: reading should be a big part of your life. While people say it is better to do it with a physical paper book, there's nothing wrong with using an audiobook or an electronic book to get in your page time.
Still, you don't need to lie about it. Not everybody reads on a daily basis, and that's okay. Just read when you want to, make sure it's educational, and, as said before, don't lie about it. We're all busy these days.
An Activity Facilitates Discussion
If you're an adult, you might find yourself running into old friends at the coffee shop or coming across a classmate at the grocery store. You share a few words and say something like you should get together to catch up. As the Dude points out, this isn't the best tactic to actually catch up.
A better option would be to make plans to do something like get dinner or go snowmobiling or something like that, which is a much more natural way to have a chance to catch up. Or maybe the Dude just doesn't want to hang out with you.
He Has Enough on His Lap
Come the Holidays, Kris Kringle is a busy man. Elf. Whatever he is. He has lists to make, he has coal to prepare (so much coal), and he has The List to make. He also makes the trip to malls all over the world to get the info on kids that have been good or bad and what they want for Christmas.
As the Dude says, maybe stay away if you're past the age of eighteen. Yes, there's some hilarious hypocrisy going on in this picture, but it looks like the mad in red velvet agrees, so we'll let it slide for now.
It's a Really Complicated Process
Lots and lots of books make their way onto the New York Times Best Seller list. We're not sure how it happens, but it's much more complicated than you might think. The reason there are so many is that every book that is on the list – not just the top spot – has a right to claim itself as a New York Times Best Seller.
The list is pretty long, and a book can claim the title even if it's on there for just a week. Or less. But don't be fooled – there are tons of books that never get close to this big list, and for good reason. It's because they're very bad.