Have you ever wished that your pickles were red? If your answer is yes, what kind of sick person are you? Or you must be from Mississippi… Because down south in Mississippi, they created the Koolickle. What a clever name for a pickle soaking in Kool-Aid. Do we need to expand on this more? Ok, good.
Apparently, this is actually a big thing in Mississippi. But let’s be honest, the South is basically a different country where they do things in their own, very weird, way. Is this the pickle that opened the Ninth Seal? It looks like you can’t dispose of it without the help of an old priest and a young priest. *sigh* Mississippi.
Michigan -- Michigan Pasty
The pasty is made by placing meat and vegetables on pastry, then folding it in half to wrap the filling, and crimping the curved edge to form a seal before baking. This is basically a meat-and-potatoes Hot Pocket. In Michigan, particularly the Upper Peninsula, the pasty is as culturally ubiquitous as deep-dish pizza is to Chicago. Its origin is linked to the early 1800s when Cornish miners needed to take something with them into the mines for 12-hour workdays.
The pasty fails to live up to any standard. The problem is that these little half-moons are seasoned with nothing other than salt and pepper. Can we get some garnishings with that?
Minnesota -- Hotdish
Meet the "everything but the kitchen sink that you're still able to save from mold" casserole where you literally dump everything together in a dish and bake it. Could this get more Midwestern? (I sure hope not). The hotdish usually contains starch and meat (usually ground beef) which is mixed together with canned soup. I must admit, Minnesota, it would be hard to beat this one.
The hotdish originated back when farmwives needed to feed their families and congregations in the basements of the first Minnesota churches. Seeing as though the hotdish is filling and easy to make, it was the perfect (disgusting) solution. Minnesotans enjoy pairing the dish with potato salad, coleslaw, and Jello salad. I bet you're just dying to get an invite now to a Minnesota family gathering.
Missouri -- St. Louis Pizza
The St. Louis pizza is basically made like this: 1. Take a Ritz cracker 2. Top it with sweet tomato sauce 3. Cover with St. Louis staple Provel cheese aka plastic pretending it's cheese. 4. Throw it into the trash (I wouldn't even give it to the dogs). And don't forget to cut the pizza into squares because how can you fold a cracker? Then you're done.
While many of us others like to think of a good juicy steak as a delicacy, some of us others think that this abomination is a delicacy. They'll brag about this dish of theirs and their other regional delicacy- deep-fried ravioli. Of course, gooey butter cake deserves a mention here but at least that stuff doesn't give us nightmares from the Great Depression.
Montana -- Pemmican
Montana is underrated for its beauty, there is zero denying of that. But its culinary scene has little to be proud of. Take the pemmican which is described by Wikipedia as "a concentrated mixture of fat and protein used as a nutritious food." Props to you Montana for giving us the least appetizing food ever.
Pemmican was basically created as a nutrient-rich snack for fur traders and European explorers. That's kind of cool and I'm totally into history. But times are changing people!!! Why would you still eat this?