This Colombian fan looks ready to rob a bank with a bunch of like-makeuped henchmen. It’s quite the look, even if you don’t take the structure that teeters atop his head into account. The colors of the Colombian flag are front and center on his face, and a frankly ridiculous building that seems to be made out of hair is rising up from the top of his skull.
How he managed to accomplish that is beyond us, and we bet there are even a lot of stylists who will shrug in confusion when asked about its secrets.
I Asked for a Large Fry
This one doesn't look TOO bad. Don't get us wrong, Carlos Valderrama isn't doing himself any favors with this hairstyle, but he could do a lot worse. Yes, it does appear to be something that you would get at a Mcdonald's or a Burger King, but it also has that mid-2010s pop star vibe that we all hope nobody tries to bring back.
It also appears to have a little bit of color, which is never a good addition. There's just something about unnatural hair colors that make them seem just a little bit worse, no matter who has them.
What Flavor Do You Think It Is?
Plenty of famous or infamous people have sported this head-turning (but in a bad way) hairstyle before. It's been called a couple of things, and our favorite moniker is the ramen haircut. Abel Xavier gets pretty close to pulling it off, but he just can't get over the finish line. Every single follicle on his face has been bleached blonde, which must have been quite the trip to the stylist.
Just think of all the tin foil. It probably doesn't help that this guy has a craggy scowl on his face, which makes this haircut wilder and less lighthearted.
Sorry That Happened to You
We think this might have been some sort of accident. Players are always trying to get people talking about them – it might just turn into a little more money come contract negotiation time. Still, we wonder what was going through Paul Pogba's head other than “I look good.”
The center highlight and the asymmetrical color on the right side are other questions to answer. Maybe he has a kid that grabbed a paintbrush before he woke up. Maybe he doesn't even know.
Neymar Wants to Speak to Your Manager
This genre of haircut has recently become known as “The Karen,” and it comes with plenty of unflattering information. She wants to see the manager, she wants you off her lawn, she wants to advance to the next spot in the finals, things like that. We don't know why Neymar would choose to lump himself in with people that nobody likes to see approaching the cash register, but he does.
All his running around and sweating might have made it look a little worse, but frosted tips still aren't a great choice for anyone. No, not even you, sir.
Listen Closely and You'll Hear the “Jaws” Theme
Arturo Vidal's sharp cut is ready to slice past defenders and/or cut attackers out of their lanes to keep control of the match. There are plenty of worse haircuts floating around out there, and on this list, but this one still gets a spot for what appears to be a couple of levels of shaving length leading up to the Mohawk fin.
Just make sure to stay out of the water if you happen to be playing his team. What's that? A low, one-step alternating cello tune that sends shivers down your spine? Can't be.
Even the Best Can Be Bad
Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the most famous footy players around but that doesn't mean we can't make fun of his hair. Sweat comes into play to give it a noticeable sheen, and send it into wild curves and waves that sit atop Ronaldo's head like a foamy sea.
Cristiano doesn't seem to mind the fact that he has a haircut like a weedy lawn since he's giving a goofy grin to the camera. Like the Alps of Switzerland or the Andes of South America, his hair is pointy and wild, safe for only the bravest.
Going for the Distraction Method
Brazil forward Ronaldo Nazario loves to crack a joke here or there, such as in this image. He also sports what might be the most laughable haircut we've ever seen on a football player, but we aren't chuckling with him on this one. We barely even know how he might have accomplished the cut since it looks like the buzzed-short hairline goes down past where it used to lie.
Did he get implants to add more hair? Also, why did he get this cut in the first place? It does draw the eye – maybe it's to keep opponents off their game.
Looks a Bit Haphazard to Us
Bald isn't a bad look, but it seems Djibril Cisse simply couldn't go all the way to the cue-ball style. He's left a single line from front to back, untouched. In addition, he's dyed all the hair on his face, including his eyebrows, to be bright yellow. Was there some deep, personal reason for keeping two unequal halves of his dome separate when he stepped into the barbershop?
Maybe he did it himself, and he was in a rush to get to practice. If not for the remainder of his skull, this style wouldn't be that bad. We particularly enjoy the mustache.
He's Getting Ready for the Sweep
This kind of look isn't around much anymore, but it was a fun pick for people who wanted to get noticed during the eighties. Mop top, broom top, whatever you want to call it, it surely catches the eye. Mario Balotelli here honestly kind of rocks it, but why, exactly, we couldn't tell you.
Maybe it's the shape of his face. That has a lot to do with what haircuts look good on people. Go on, look it up, you might learn something. He's focused on the next play, but his haircut is all style.
Playing on a Windy Day
When the wind is blowing and you're trying to keep your mind on the ball, your hair might be doing something totally on its own. It kind of looks like this 'do is trying to crawl off this player's head, maybe over to the hot dog stand or out of the cold.
We look forward to the days when the sweep-cut – long on top and shaved on the sides – fades from existence forever, back to the dark and dingy hole it sprang out of. Stephan El Shaarawy looks like Ice-T decided to get into sports instead of rapping but kept the hairstyle.
Time to Fly
The Ivory Coast contains a lot of amazing sights, but few are as amazing as forward Gervinho with his wings at a full spread. Sure, everybody with long hair has a flow if they're in motion, but we bet that this player would look like he's about to take off even if he was standing still.
His dreads are all locked up under the 'do-rag, but they look ready to bust out and take on a life of their own. Would that be a red card or a yellow card? We bet that one isn't even covered in the rule book.
Must Be Playing During Halloween
This player – Gabon forward Pierre Emerick Aubameyang – has one of the most hair-raising cuts that we've ever seen. We don't know what he's looking at, but we're big fans of horror movies – Aubameyang, let us know what has you spooked. Unless it's “Jumanji,” then the conversation is over.
It probably doesn't have to be a movie. He could be watching his team get trounced by a bunch of little kids. That can be scary to anybody. Regardless, he's got the kind of haircut that might just be giving some people nightmares. We're certainly going to be thinking about it for a while.
If He Landed on His Head He Would Bounce
This player might not have the most eye-catching cut compared to some of his fellow athletes, but it's still worth mentioning. Is his hair nothing but al dente noodles? Does he have bits of a mattress attached to his head? One way or another, he's got a hairdo that looks like it could take a hit and keep right on looking fly. It might also taste good with some marinara.
Not everybody can pull off a curly look such as this, but Serge Gnabry knows he has it in him. We think it's a good look, even if it is a little off the wall.
Racing Stripes for Speed
Sadio Mane of Senegal has perfect control of the ball as he's working his way downfield, but does that mean he's in perfect control of his hair? No. It still looks pretty good, though. A shorter cut is always easier to work with, though it looks like Mane has done something a little different with his namesake.
He's added a blond strip down the side – there might even be a second on one the other side, though we can't tell for certain. Like all stripes on fast things, this bit of coloration undoubtedly helped Mane move with a little more quickness on the pitch.
Comb It Like Beckham
Even if you know nothing about soccer, you're probably familiar with David Beckham, even if it's just because of the Spice Girl he married. He's one of the more famous footballers in the world thanks to his skill on the grass, but that doesn't mean he always had the perfect look while he was playing.
This image proves and shows us that even if you're a world-renowned athlete, you still need to look in the mirror before you head to practice. This photo is from over two decades ago, which might explain the style, but it's still not something you want to encourage.
Patience, Padawan
Trainee Jedi grow their hair out in a long rat tail, kept clean and tidy until they're ready to take up the mantle of a Jedi Knight. Once that happens, the tail is cut off in a symbolic ceremony. Roberto Baggio must be one of the oldest Padawans at the temple, then, because he's still rocking the tail long after he's supposed to.
Maybe, someone who is supposed to be styling him is dropping the ball. Most of his head looks fine, but the tail really just has to go. The picture is a few years old, which means it might have only gotten longer.
Hairstyles of the Past
This ancient athlete is none other than English footballer Bobby Charlton of the England World Cup team in 1966. Was this post-practice? Maybe right after a game? We can't say, but it looks like Charlton needs to hit the showers and grab a comb. Charlton was only twenty-nine when this picture was taken, but he looks like he could be in his forties.
A lot of times, people looked older in the past for one reason or another – the cameras, less sunscreen, and fashions that “seem older” to younger people. We don't have a quick explanation for Charlton's near-elderly look, though.
Hair Made Out of Stickle Bricks
Some hairstyles earn their place in the history of fashion. Others...are better left to the sands of time. The hairdo that United States player Brek Shea is sporting in this picture is one in the latter camp. Back in 2009, Shea was working on his dribble while he had an absolute peacock of a style atop his head. They look like they could be needles or literal feathers.
If you lean back and squint a little bit, it also looks like he could be wearing a crown on his head, though the section in the back defies a similar explanation. Doesn't look good, though.
You Missed a Spot
Argentina forward Rodrigo Palacios, on the left, is making a big move with the ball in this picture, but what's that? There's something hanging onto his head! Oh, no, wait, that's a little ponytail of thin hair. Even though the rest of his head is shaven totally short, he still has that long tail trailing behind him.
We're starting to think that there's some sort of pool going on who can come up with the worst – or at least the most noticeable – haircut. We wouldn't go so far as to call this the worst haircut ever, but it certainly does raise some eyebrows.
The First Two Must Have Been Terrible
Asamoah Gyan of Ghana wants you to know his favorite number. Is it the number of toes he has left? The number of kids watching him play? No, it's simply his jersey number – which honestly we should have thought of first. Still, even if he was number one we wouldn't have recommended this 'do, which has a little bit of color on the side of the head and a mohawk on top.
It...certainly draws the eye, and is perhaps the most positive thing we can say about it. Still, we doubt that Gyan kept this look around for very long.
A Hairdo Made of Easy Chair Stuffing
The many ways that hair can present itself are quite interesting. Just from genetics, you can get frizzy and curly, long and straight, or anything in between. However, we're not certain that this cut is from genetics, because it kind of looks like fuzzy fabric stuffing.
Belgium player Marouane Fellaini looks properly shamed by the haircut that he has subjected his teammates, the opposing team, and the fans to. It kind of looks like a style that a Muppet would sport if it wanted to look a little closer to natural – but not too natural. And this style certainly doesn't look too natural.
The Mullet Was on the Way Out
The year was 1990, and Chris Waddle of England was having his picture taken as he sported a haircut that was losing its allure faster than hair metal. The mullet was long in the back and short in front, with the idea that it was one-half business and one-half party. Waddle, however, looks all business in this pic.
The front of the mullet is also pretty messed up, and the mullets just barely look good when they're lovingly combed. Plus, there's the injury that has to have a bandage right under his hairline – the total look isn't exactly something that we'll try and emulate.
Adding a Bit of Color
Austria's Paul Scharner, on the left, woke up one morning and decided it was time for a change. No longer would he be bound by the normal hair color that he had all his life! Instead, he made an appointment with a stylist and asked for something that will put him at center stage.
The stylist nodded and gave him a 'do that appears to be one-half blue and one-half red, though it's a little hard to tell at this angle. Nothing beats a little bit of color, though, and it's a fun look, even if it is a little goofy.
You're No Samurai
The top knot has gained some popularity in recent years, thanks to styles getting a little longer on average. It's been referred to as a number of things, the least flattering of which is the “man bun.” Perhaps you've seen a noteworthy example while out and about.
Gareth Bale of Real Madrid has one that will make your eyes pop, but not in the best way. Still, this looks to be more about function than form – as long as it stays out of his eyes while he's playing, right?
He's Going to Fight the Orcs
Bears are big right now, and that tends to be both figurative and literal. For example, take Raul Meireles of Portugal, in this picture. He's got facial hair that would make Gimli son of Gloin jealous, but his hairdo is something else entirely. The mohawk isn't a new choice for people who want a sharp look, but it hasn't exactly aged well – it reminds people too much of the eighties, and that's never something you want to do.
We hope that Meireles doesn't try too many headers because the angle is going to be all wrong.
We Wonder Who He's Cheering for
Could it be...Germany? We bet it's Germany. This fan is ready to cheer for his squad as the world watches on a big screen, but we bet he'll have the 'do of the day. Some kind of combination of a rooster, a peacock, and a parrot is waving all over his head, but he either has some really weird lengths in strange spots, or it's fake.
Look at the hair underneath the red and yellow sections – that's a haircut that you can set your watch to. Certainly an eye-catching style, but not something that he's going to have to wear for months on end.
Things Were Different Back Then
When 1998 rolled around, people were pumped to watch their country in the World Cup, but how many of them dyed their hair to look like part of their flag? At least one of them, apparently. A young sported St. George's cross on his hair. St. George is the patron saint of England after the English Reformation, and it's commonly seen as the national flag of England, if not the UK as a whole.
Never thought you'd learn something while reading a silly little article about weird haircuts, did you? Joke's on you, buddy. Next time, do the same with the Union Jack.
It Looks Like a Watermelon, Almost
This Colombian fan wasn't going to go halfway when it came to sprucing up for the biggest event in football. We can barely even tell which color the hair originally is, though odds are it's dark brown or black – Colombia, after all. So he's added white, dark blue, red, a lighter blue that shifts into green, and maybe more that we can't see.
We only get to see him from the back, but it looks like he could have quite the outfit on, too, including a mask. This guy has taken his outfit to eleven for the World Cup.
He's Clearly Been Attacked by Something
If you're a fan trying to display how much you love your team to the world at large, there are only so many ways to do it. Shirts, scarves, and face paint are some things, but if you really want to display team pride using something that is a little more permanent, you have to have a head of hair to use.
This guy does, and he's certainly used it. He's added the World Cup symbol to the back of his head and added a few words and numbers too – though it's a little hard to see exactly what he's trying to say.
We Guess It's a Haircut. Technically.
Colombian fans love to show off their team pride, and this guy has really gone the extra mile trying to have the biggest and best outfit during the World Cup. With the flag, the face paint, and the necklace, he has a good start, but what about his head?
Well, instead of getting his hair done like many other fans in the stands, he's opted for an exaggerated headdress, which includes a tiger chomping on his forehead. Who's to say that his hair doesn't provide an important structural component to that big addition? We are, that's who. But, we'll let this one slide for now.
Color Is Very Important in Getting Noticed
If you've ever dyed your hair, you know that the process can take a lot of time, can be pretty messy, and doesn't always look great. This guy must be an expert, then – or he heads to a stylist who really, really knows what he or she is doing. We see white, yellow, pink, red, purple, blue, green...it's the entire spectrum of colors, right there on that man's head.
There's something about Colombian fans that just make them want to be colorful. Also, check out that mohawk. That thing is going to interfere with some aircraft.
There's a Rhino in the Stands
There are some fans that go all the way when the World Cup comes around, trying to encourage their teams and make as much noise as possible to distract the opponents. That means plenty of weird looks, and this guy certainly fits the bill.
We're sure he's perfectly nice, but we wouldn't want to run into him in a dark alley, mostly because we'd think we were in a post-apocalyptic eighties film. His hair is so pointed and sharp that it looks like it could be used to wound, and he has the facial anger to match.
She's Just as Surprised as We Are
There are two kinds of people out there – those that are able to go with the flow, roll with the punches, and take life head-on, or those that can't do those things. It kind of seems like this lady is in that second camp. Does she even know she has a Scottish flag sticking through her hair?
We can't be certain, because she has a rather wonderful thousand-yard stare going on in the pic. Does she know what she's seeing? Does she understand this sport? Does she hear the cheering? Or is she just flashing back to 'Nam?
Ah, Thanks for the Reminder
Have you ever wandered into the crowd at a World Cup game and wondered what everyone is cheering about? They seem to be playing some sort of...physical game. But what could it be? And then you turn around and see this Germany fan's hairstyle, and you remember – football. Soccer, to the Americans.
You go up to this fan and thank her for reminding you what sport is going on around you, but you don't speak German. Well, you know the word for “Squirrel”: Eichhörnchen. So you can't exactly thank her, but you're able to get your appreciation across in other ways.
Sonic the German Football Fan Hedgehog
Spiky was in back in June 0f 2014 during the World Cup in Brazil, and this German fan was sending up a prayer that his team would make it all the way. Well, that prayer was answered – Germany took home the cup that year – but it might have also been because the opposing teams were frightened of his sharp and pointed hairstyle.
He's got the German flag colors in there, and it also looks like he's ready to spin-dash into Dr. Eggman. Actually, what are we thinking? He looks exactly like Shadow the Hedgehog, which we should have noticed right away.
Very, Uh, Post-Modern
France is a place for art of all kinds. There's also plenty of fashion if you're into that, and lots of styles come out of the city of lights every year. This French fan decided he would throw his hat into the ring by giving his hairdo something that we've absolutely never seen before.
It looks like his entire head has been dunked in white paint, and there are red, yellow, blue, and green dots that decorate his hair. It doesn't look much like the French flag, but maybe the French uniform implemented more colors than normal during the 2018 World Cup.
Getting a Quick Touch-Up
FIFA fans all over the world had to make sure they were ready to make adjustments in case something started to look not as good as possible. This fan is getting a little bit of work done to make his soccer-ball-shaped and colored hairdo look just right.
The 2014 World Cup was in Brazil, and this kid is sporting green and yellow, so we're going to go out on a limb and say he's a fan of the home team. But before he can start cheering, he has to sit quietly and get some paint added.
The English Monster Is Ready to Roar
Ahead of a World Cup match at Twickenham Stadium in England, this English fan didn't want to walk in as his boring old self. He got dressed up in the red and white of St. George's cross, the English flag, and he probably had plenty of people looking his way while he was in the stands.
He's got a huge red wig, he dyed his bushy beard red, and he added plenty of face paint to complete the look. And then, of course, he very carefully added his glasses back onto his face. Have to be able to see the action.
Just Like the Flag
This fan isn't going to leave anything to chance when it comes to guessing who he cheers for. Italy is a big football country, and the green, white, and red make for a great color scheme if you want to dye your hair. He's also added plenty of mousse and product to his hair to give it some lift and volume.
Is this look what a lot of people would call good? No, not especially, but that doesn't really matter much. He's out there cheering for his boys, and that's the important part. Even if he kinda looks like a doofus.
Trying to Stay Warm
There's a lot to talk about in this picture, so we'll have to be a little focused. Those hairstyles, huh? We've got the guys on the right side who have short, bright green mohawks, the guy on the left side who looks like he's dyed his buzzcut a vibrant red, just like the Spanish flag, and one guy who just decided to go bald for the occasion.
We question the choice of color when it comes to the mohawks, mostly. Everything else seems to be in order (well, almost everything else. At least everything else above the neck).
Ready to Take Home the Gold
This cat wasn't going to do anything in half-measures when he started getting his look together for the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. And he's gone all out to make sure people know who he cheers for. Both his hairdo and his beard have been dyed green and yellow from the genteel old-man white that is peeking through on the edges a little bit.
There's the addition of a pair of Brazilian shades and some jewelry to bring the style home. He probably had to do some judicious scissor work to get the proper shape, and it all looks so good.
Showing Off a Traditional Look
Even Swedish World Cup fans like to get dressed up. This gal has her hair prepped in a traditional Nordic look — long blonde ponytails that fall off to either side. Add in some blue and yellow ribbons to get the colors of the Swedish flag, and you have a style that is just right for cheering on your country.
It's actually possible that the lady had to dye her hair blonde to achieve the look – there are some roots showing if you look carefully. Well, it's not that big of a deal.
Kinda Like a Dr. Seuss Character
This Japanese fan is showing off a hairstyle that would make the most cartoony of characters jealous at the 2002 World Cup. Not only is she there to cheer on her home team, but she also has ribbons in her hair that have Brazilian national colors.
Maybe she's just there because she likes the World Cup? We can support that sort of sportsmanship.
In the meantime, she has a hairstyle that is going to be memorable long after the story of the 2002 World Cup is over. Is it possible there's a big gust of wind just as this photo is being taken?
How Do You Think I Got These Scars?
This Colombian fan looks ready to rob a bank with a bunch of like-makeuped henchmen. It's quite the look, even if you don't take the structure that teeters atop his head into account. The colors of the Colombian flag are front and center on his face, and a frankly ridiculous building that seems to be made out of hair is rising up from the top of his skull.
How he managed to accomplish that is beyond us, and we bet there are even a lot of stylists who will shrug in confusion when asked about its secrets.
Red and White All the Way
It might look like this guy is part of the cast of “Alice in Wonderland” with that kind of 'do, but all he's really doing is creating a hairstyle to make his home country of Croatia proud.
He's blowing a horn on the streets of Lens in order to drum up some excitement for the World Cup – this was all the way back in 1998, which was the very first time Croatia made its first appearance in the finals of the tournament. While they didn't go all the way, they still had plenty to celebrate that year.
Somebody Enjoys Yard Work Too Much
This guy must have a weed whacker because he's been trimmed. He's a fan of the Palmeiras club, and he's gone to great lengths to cut the name of the club into his hair. Not only that but he's also added a few stylish pieces like some sections that have been buzzed short.
We're not sure why he's done this, since it looks pretty bad, but the great thing about a bad haircut is it will eventually just disappear as the hair grows back. In the meantime, this guy can show off a cut that hides nothing about which team is his favorite.
She's a Fan of the Clown Team, Maybe
This football fan isn't afraid to get colorful. While she might have started with black, she now features almost every color of the rainbow as well as white in her eye-catching hairdo. Not only is there plenty of dying to be done to achieve this look, but she also had to make cornrows and braids, and keep the curly sections in check as well.
No small amount of work went into achieving this, and she should feel proud that she pulled it off. Was she going for the colors of the South African flag or did she do it for multiple countries?
A Venezuelan Superfan
When you have a sports team that you love, there are lots of ways to show your appreciation. You could dress up, make a shrine at home, or you could do what this guy has done and rock a mohawk that looks sharp enough to cut down a tree.
Is that his real hair, or did he have to go to the thrift store and pick up a wig that has enough fandom power? The curlier sections that are along the side might be his real hair, but it's still kind of hard to tell.
He's the King of the Cup
Ecuador might not be the biggest country in the world, but even its team in the World Cup has a number of superfans that are prepared to cheer until the fat lady sings. While Ecuador, unfortunately, didn't even make it to the knockout stage, they still got to enjoy this guy, who turned his hairdo into a crown that's fit for a king.
With the addition of some face paint, a dyed beard, and a big flag, the team probably loved seeing him cheer for them while they played. And he got to go home early! That's nice.
A 'Do That Gets It Done
Nothing like a nice haircut to tie an outfit together. This Belgium fan has the face paint and the hat (or scarf, hard to tell from this angle) to match his long, bouncy locks. They've been dyed a radioactive red, bright enough to be seen from space, and hopefully bright enough to catch the attention of the team that is playing against these beloved Belgium players.
What did he use to dye it, red Jello pudding? That's the color that looks the most similar, but there are some darker spots as well.
Bald Headed Gerrard
Clean-shaven Stephen Gerrard was taking things a little too seriously just before the 2002 World Cup qualifying match between Albania and England.
Now, we know that in comparison to other outlandish and bizarre haircuts listed here, this one is more on the quiet side. However, we felt it was a must. It's Albania we're talking about here. Loosen up, dude.
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Dear Bastian Schweinsteiger. Didn't you realize that you look like a soccer player with a dead chick on his head? Or, did you feel it complimented the entire 2005 World Cup look?
We are aware of the reputation your nation has, for being strict, serious, and sincere. However, adding the blond Arian touch was taking things a little too far.
Run as Fast as You Can
As far as we are concerned, if something like this happens while shaving one's face, it calls for being put on the bench. At least for one-half of the match.
Karim Benzema's little shaving accident has no excuse whatsoever, and clearly explains the 8-0 France won over Kazakhstan. If you would see something like this coming at you, you would try to run too.
Life Is Easier in a Ponytail
There are a few things we can't handle in this one. Sacha Kljestan, you are an astonishing soccer player but what's with the hair? Where should we start? First, the length. We are a few good years after the wild 1970s.
Then, the extra long improvised sideburns you thought made you look cool but actually made you look... different... for the lack of a better word. If you insist on keeping it long, wouldn't it be easier just to tie your hair up in a ponytail?
A True Heartbreaker
Michael Owen, oh, Michael Owen. We absolutely adore almost everything about you. You are a remarkable soccer player, you are drop-dead gorgeous, however, when it comes to haircuts, you're not quite qualified to make your own decisions.
Is it only us or does the front part look like it was deliberately cut in the shape of a heart? What was Owen trying to say with this hairdo? That he adores us back, or that he doesn't really give a sh#t about what we think?
The Mullet Days
If there is one stage in hair fashion history that has to be erased from all books, it is definitely the 1980s mullet hairstyle, which between you and us, had no style at all.
It's shame that Lothar Matthäus, the German soccer star wasn't aware of this, as he could have saved himself from the image above. Maybe it works in German?
A Little Character Mix Up
Gary Neville has a rich history behind him from the soccer field, however, this image gets us wondering if being a soccer player was really his intention in life. We think not.
The more we look at this photo of him, the more we are sure that playing the role of Victor from "Corpse Bride" was his calling. We're certain he fits better in the animated movies rather than running after a ball with the rest of the guys.
This Is Not an Excuse!
Let's go back in time to 1974. It's the World Cup and Germany has just won the finals. The match ended 2-1 for Germany, titling them the ultimate champions.
Does all this information excuse Franz Beckenbauer's wavy near-bob hairdo? Does this give the reasoning for the side part and the lost curl on his forehead? Weren't there any standards back then?
Someone Didn't Finish the Job
Fabian Johnson, who played for the USA national team, is known for wearing a headband in his frizzy style, and most of the time, he can get away with it. However, sometimes he can't.
This time it looks as if someone went over his head with a lawn mower and didn't complete the job. Maybe it's time someone tells Johnson it's time to send the frizzes on their way?
The Bald Roundabout
There is a stage in life when self-awareness is essential. When your appearance is not all that, however, you find ways of accepting and dealing with nature. Zinedine Zidane obviously skipped that stage.
We hope that after he saw this photo, the first thing he did was contact the closest barber and sort out that bald spot.
Secret Fashion Trends
OK, Thierry Henry, so you have decided to go all the way and shave your entire hair off. Great. We understand it makes running after a ball easier, with no hair getting into your eyes, but can you please explain one thing?
Was it necessary to leave the extra thin sideburns? Was this like a big fashion thing at the time and we weren't informed?
When Things Just Don't Work
The Uruguayan soccer player Dario Silva has it all. He is an amazing player, he has loads of money, he's full of charisma, and he has a beautiful lady by his side. One thing he doesn't have, and that is a sense of fashion.
When he was trained to run the field, didn't he attend the class where they explained that his skintone doesn't work with bleached hair?
Jonny Bravo
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls we have found the soccer version of Johnny Bravo. Or a merger between Elvis Presley, James Dean, and Jonny Bravo.
Unlike most people, Stig Tofting the Danish midfielder has a square-shaped face which contributes to his resemblance to the iconic cartoon character look. We wonder how many more soccer teams have at least one square-face player.
Some Things Are Not Meant to Be
Gabriel Batistuta. The greatest of his generation, one of the best soccer players ever known, and one of the weirdest headpieces ever seen. What was the purpose of this? We don't think it will absorb any perspiration or hold any loose hair back.
Maybe it was a new trend that made Batistuta stand out on the field. Whatever gets you going, dude.
You Used It the Wrong Way
Hair gel is supposed to keep short hair in place. It's usually used for keeping the spikes up or giving the cut a silky edge. Nowhere in the world is hair gel used on long hair, no matter how blond you are.
Except for the Norwegian soccer player Erling Braut Haaland, who used the gel to keep his long blond waves away, however, forgot to take care of the tail left behind. So sad.
Tik Tok Generation Lost
In 2002 TikTok wasn't around like it is today. If someone wanted to make a statement or share what they had on their minds, they literally had to communicate, or even worse — socialize. Paolo Maldini, the Italian soccer player was way ahead of his time.
It is clear that he was taking part in the 'share the hair' challenge running on TikTok these days. How else would you explain the phenomenon on his head?
Dead Farret
When Clint Mathis is happy, the whole world can see. There is no way anyone can stay oblivious to his captivating smile after scoring a goal, like this one when he played against Korea. On the other hand, he might have been so delighted for a completely different reason.
Like the fact that he has a ferret on his head for keeping his bald head warm while chasing the ball. Go figure.
It's One or the Other
One of the beautiful things about soccer is that each and every player brings his (or her) personal touch to make this sport so colorful and so multicultured. Take Roman Torres for example, bringing in all of his Panamanian glory to this match. Inspirational. However, this photo does make us a bit concerned.
We have a feeling Torres might be suffering from a split personality and hasn't decided if he is going for the dreadlocks or for the bleached ends. Either would have been fine, but not both. Never both.
Keeping It Below
Take it from Tim Howard. He understands the importance of blending in, and not standing out too much. He is not deliberately going against the current and has found a unique way to splash his personal touch on the soccer field.
He accepted the fact that hair was essential, however, decided to keep it on his chin instead of on his head as most people would.