The cutest captain to sail the seven seas is ready to cast off. The Sea Wiener, giggle-worthy name aside, at least doesn’t include any nautical puns. I mean, it has the word “sea” in the name, but as far as we can tell, it isn’t a pun. It also has some regal artwork of a dachshund next to it, so you know exactly what the name means. No confusion here.
And look! You can even see the wiener in question in the picture, lazing on his perch and just waiting for another chance to hit the waves. Can’t you sea him?
Me and the Buoys
We haven't seen nautical puns in a while. The Yeah Buoy seems like a party boat, and with a berth in Milwaukee, WI, that means there are plenty of drinks aboard – though we're sure the driver stays responsible. This boat has plenty of good vibes, and it evokes everyone's favorite clock-wearing hype man Flava Flav.
Oh man, what if it's Mr. Flav's boat? Does this famous rapper hail from the greatest state in the union? Does he like football? Maybe he's a Green Bay Packers fan. Roll out the barrel, Flava.
It's clear these boats are two parts of a pair. We aren't sure if they're owned by the same person who has his pick of seafaring equipment; they're under the auspices of a pair of siblings who have spent their lives in squabbles or a husband-and-wife team who spend plenty of time nipping at each other's heels.
When they're in these boats, the boats do the talking. As far as the “wood” part of Wood Too and Wood Not refer to, we can only assume the boats are painted wood. We wonder which wood win in a race?
No Need to Dig a Tunnel
The Great Escape, the movie, is a classic film set in a World War II POW camp, starring Steve McQueen, Donald Pleasence, Charles Bronson, and plenty of other huge figures. It was a triumph, which may be why this owner has named his boat after the film.
In the film, the POWs use a number of escape methods to get away from their German captors, but this method seems to be singular. All you have to do is jump aboard and start the engine—no need for digging, motorcycles, or learning German. Still seems pretty great.
Drinks Like a Fish
This is only slightly better. The owner of the Aquaholic is at least upfront about the addiction, which is the first step toward recovery.
An addiction to anything can be dangerous, and spending too much time boating can be detrimental, and it may even be more expensive than anything else you buy from a shady man in a van. At least...you know, the similarities are starting to line up. You might lose friends, you might start to lose teeth (if you're that bad at piloting your boat), but at least you can come up with a funny name for your boat.