Starring: John Malkovich, Rupert Grint, Andrew Buchan
Description: It’s 1933, and famous detective Hercule Poirot has received letters threatening murder. The sender only signs them “A.B.C.” Poirot finds that he has to take matters into his own hands since all his old friends at the police department have retired or passed away. Suspense abounds as Poirot has to track down this killer before the bodies start to pile up.
Why it’s a stinker: The big problem is that John Malkovich is just a boring Poirot. He might have tried to give it some gravitas, but he mainly just comes off as half-asleep. The rest of the story keeps things dull, and it also has a bit too much Tarantino in it, if you know what we mean. Too bloody, too morose, not enough life.
The Widow (Worst)
Starring: Alex Kingston, Babs Olusanmokun, Louise Brealey
Description: When a woman’s husband mysteriously disappears, it’s up to her to find out the truth of the matter and see if he’s still alive. Her path takes her to the Congo, where she has to discover the truth about the man she loves. Is it a relationship worth saving?
Why it’s a stinker: A better question would be if it’s a show worth saving. While the idea of hunting through a jungle to find a husband is a good one to start out with, it becomes too melodramatic to hold anyone’s attention for long. It’s called inaccurate, annoying, and ridiculous. It goes hard into the strong woman trope, and it proves yet again that it’s far easier to do that trope poorly than it is to do it well.
Starring: David Morrissey, Kelly Reilly, Nikolaj Lie Kaas
Description: The history of the land of Britain is long and bloody, and this show brings us all the way back to 43 A.D. Britannia is full of warring tribes such as the Celts. There are also the invading Romans who seek to dismantle any resistance that stands in their way.
Why it’s a stinker: Detractors have a lot to say, and they’re prepared to say it. The acting is poor, the stories are boring, and there’s far too much butchery. And even the historical aspects of the shows are buried by the bad parts. There are even reports of it being so bloody that people were getting sick to their stomachs. If the show was better, maybe, but it’s hard to say yes to that with a poor show.
Four More Shots Please (Worst)
Starring: Sayani Gupta, Kirti Kulhari, Gurbani, Maanvi Gagroo
Description: Four gal pals try to make sense of life in modern-day India. They deal with all the standard stuff: romances, conflicts between work and life, their ambitions, and their anxieties. Every one of them has baggage that they can help each other carry.
Why it’s a stinker: There are apparently a lot of reasons why you should avoid this show. Despite being touted as feminist and starring four women, it’s been called demeaning to women. The four women are toxic, selfish, and obsessed with themselves; the plots are shallow, the acting is bad, the dialogue is bad, and so on. Honestly, we’re amazed that this show was able to have three seasons.
Starring: James Corden, Melia Kreiling, Sally Hawkins
Description: The complexities of modern marriage and fidelity are explored in this dark comedy from an award-winning writer and starring James Corden. The show is about what happens when you’ve found “The One.” Have you really found the one? Aren’t we all just mammals when we get right down to it?
Why it’s a stinker: One of the biggest immediate problems with the show is that it stars James Corden, who we are assured is not actually a real person, just an experiment that has Hollywood trying to make a star and failing miserably. The show also drags quite a bit of the time, and the tone is hard to discern, no matter what is going on. Plus, remember, James Corden. Not a great start.