Newsflash — cool is a state of mind. It’s not something you can just have and then lose. Whatever cool factor you think you no longer possess is still in there somewhere.
What is cool anyway? Just a relative term like pretty much anything! We bet your middle school self would think you are pretty darn cool just for owning a car and being able to drive it, have you thought of that?
Should It?
They say blood is thicker than water. If this person gets their way, though, then the scale of thickness would look a little like this: water<blood<yogurt<jam<Gatorade.
While we don't share the sentiment, we can respect it. Our only question would be how will it get out of the bottle? Maybe with a spoon?
What Did She Ever Do to You?
We're curious if anyone honked at this driver, but you know, honked in sympathy, not in a hey-jerk-stick-to-your-own-lane kind of way.
What kind of beef does this person have with Helen Keller? And why does that beef continue decades after that poor yet inspirational woman is long dead? Maybe it's not THAT Helen Keller. Maybe it's a different one. Maybe she was a bully in high school. Helen is a classic name for a bully after all.
Calculous Cocktail
Alcohol has its perks. It can make you more open, more friendly, more confident, and even more fluent in a second language if you speak one! It will wreak havoc on your mathematical skills, though.
Get any and all alcohol out of the equation (see? we can have fun with math too) before any math contest or test you're preparing for.
You Still Are!
Newsflash — cool is a state of mind. It's not something you can just have and then lose. Whatever cool factor you think you no longer possess is still in there somewhere.
What is cool anyway? Just a relative term like pretty much anything! We bet your middle school self would think you are pretty darn cool just for owning a car and being able to drive it, have you thought of that?
False Advertising
You know what? This bumper sticker got our attention. Who knows? Maybe this driver really does have awesome opinions. We really haven't been seeing many of those lately.
So we did the hard work for you and actually tried typing www.websiteyouwillnevergoto.org into the address line. You know what we found? Nothing. We feel betrayed.
Get Lost
Don't get us wrong, we are all for supporting search and rescue. It's just that we — in our small, narrow-minded way — were thinking of some of the more conventional ways to do it. You know, like volunteering or raising funds.
Apparently, we needed to think outside of the box and go exploring the unmarked trails of some godforsaken forest. Thank you for bringing that option to our attention!
What's Wrong With a Prius?
We appreciate this driver's self humor — not anybody could ridicule their own car like that. We do wonder, though, what kind of beef do people have with Prius cars?
Yeah, they may not be the Batmobile, but don't they do everything that a car is expected to do? Don't they have regular wheels, or seats, or a gas tank, or feelings? Well, maybe not feelings, but surely the other stuff is enough?
Passive Aggressive
Passive aggression. The very foundation of how we as humans cope with things we hate yet are forced to exist around. It's pure poetry.
Just look at this sticker perfectly embodying the bitterness of having to commute alongside inconsiderate drivers day in and day out. It's so poignant. So sophisticated. It needs a Pulitzer.
Watch Your Mouth
We're confused. Why would anyone get mad when there's a slice of cheesecake involved? Or any piece of any cake, for that matter? Let alone, turn it into something you say when you're unbelievably angry but the kids are listening?
Fork. Fudge. Shirt. Shift. These are all great alternatives for when you need to express some rage but can't use foul language. Though, if you ask us, those PG choices just don't have the same effect.
Was I Speeding, Officer?
This sticker is pretty sweet. We wonder if it was ever used the way it was intended to. Do you think that a cop ever really pulled this car over and saw this little joke?
If so, we hope the driver didn't do anything too serious and that the sticker put the officer in enough of a good mood to not write them a ticket.
We Appreciate the Honesty
While many of the bumper stickers we see on the road are designed to glorify the vehicle and whatever driver is behind the wheel, this person right here is calling things by their actual name.
The car isn't the best, nor is its garage neighbor, but this driver isn't into sugar coating things, let alone their car.
Dad-Man Walking
Soccer moms and their minivans are their own staple by now. But what about a nice dad-mobile? We hardly hear about hose anymore. This is why we were so happy to see this windshield decal.
We're right behind you dad! Wherever you walk, you have our full support. And if you ever need anyone to have a beer with, just let us know.
Where Did You Meet the Second?
People can find love in the real world too, you know. It doesn't have to be all apps and mutual friends. Just look up and you might find the very creature that will stir something deep in your heart. And that creature might not even be human...
Take this driver for example. He found love in Area 51 and will proudly flaunt it on the back of his car! We wonder what got in between the couple. Maybe the wife became homesick and decided to head back to her home planet.
What a Bargain
Looks like someone is having a sale. A hit for a punch! Sounds like a pretty good deal. If you're looking for a fight, that is.
While we were never on the market for such services, we can definitely think about a few places where this might work — dark alleyways, late nights around sketchy bars, and outside stadiums after big sporting events. We can smell the business opportunities already.
College Is Overrated Anyway
Ah, the honor student complex. That must be one of the most common ways life can hit you in the face. The illusion that if you get high grades in school it somehow means something about you as a person or about the kind of success you will find later in life. What a cute lie.
It's only when we get older that we realize that life is random and that standardized tests are an outdated hoax. At least by the time we get it, we are old enough to have a bumper sticker that encapsulates this experience.
What Does It Mean, Then?
Do you ever walk around this world feeling like no one really understands you? That seems like quite a universal experience.
Some people manage to channel it into crafting works of art, some just go about their day waiting for that feeling to end, and some just laugh at the whole thing and put a bumper sticker on their car to make others feel better. We're not saying it's working, but we also aren't saying it's not.
Yeah, Brandon, We Haven't Got All Day
Oh, Brandon, it's always the same with you, isn't it? The whole family is standing at the door, hair done, ties tied, shoes shined, and all ready to go and Brandon is nowhere near being ready.
He still has to pick out a shirt, change his socks and kiss his goldfish goodbye. We have no idea how his girlfriend puts up with it. Next time, we're leaving without you, dude.
It Could Be a Typo
Well, yes, it could be a typo. That F possibly was meant to be a K. And then mass-produced and sold with that error without anyone noticing.
And maybe, just maybe, the guy who bought it and put it on his car didn't realize there was a typo there and just wanted to proudly flaunt his love for milk and cookies, as one should. Maybe. But also, maybe not.
Grinding That Axe
AT&T, man. You either love them or hate them. And the person in that truck definitely isn't on the loving side. We can't blame them for it, though. We wouldn't be very cheery about anyone who stole $685 from us either.
Our only hope is that this driver got their money back (though it's more likely that they didn't) and that they were able to help others avoid a similar fate.
Stay Back
Keeping your distance is a rule to live by. Keep your distance from processed foods. Keep your distance from toxic people. Keep your distance from hungry lions. See? It's just good sense!
That same sense applies to your daily commute as well, and this bumper sticker is a fantastic reminder. Just stay back and you're good. You can hug whoever it is once you're both out of your respective cars.
Driving up the Wall
There are people who wear their heart on their sleeve and people who wear it on the back of their car. Just like the person who slapped this sticker on the back of their Subaru.
Apparently, their heart is rainbow-colored and lacks some driving skills. And while we have nothing to say against the rainbow nation, we believe a couple of hours with a driving instructor could take care of the other issue.
You Heart What?
Okay, don't tell us, we can figure this out. The beginning and middle are pretty clear — this person loves something. And it looks like that something is... doing horseback handstands?
Equestrian gymnastics? That's a thing, right? Maybe not an Olympic sport yet, but we have a feeling it's about to become one pretty soon.
Do You, Really?
As inhabitants of planet earth, this sticker makes us question everything we thought we knew about human nature. To us, it seems like everybody is constantly obsessed with living forever and never getting old.
Could we have been living in a lie? Should we be canceling all future facials and stop wearing sunscreen? Because honestly, embracing the idea on that bumper sticker sounds like a wonderful way to save money.
Why the Aggression, Bro?
Getting personal, are we? We wonder what amount of honks and obnoxious drivers this person had to encounter to get that decal for the back of their car.
We also wonder how other people on the road react to it. Like, our first reaction was to question this driver's Freudian tendencies, but that's just us.
Or Just Close the Windows
Breaking wind. Tooting. Passing gas. It's one of the lowest forms of humor, and in spite of that (or maybe thanks to that,) it still works. This bumper decal is one proof of that fact.
Also standing with it in the shallow-but-working humor line are knock-knock jokes, banana peels, and the Three Stooges.
Focus Is Hard
Sitting down and focusing on one thing for long stretches of time can be difficult even if you haven't been diagnosed with a significantly short attention span. That's why we hope the person driving this car doesn't go on rides that last longer than ten minutes.
If they do, though, we hope they get to meet some squirrels along the way.
Right Side Up
Okay so this is not a bumper sticker, but this spare wheel cover was just too good to ignore. Feel free to move on to the next page if you find our inclusion offensive.
The inhabitants of this car (presumably a father-daughter duo from Virginia) have zero problems. At least judging by their vehicle. In other life areas, though, your guess is as good as ours.
Keep Your Distance
There are many reasons to maintain distance from the car in front of you. Being safe should be enough but this driver thought it wouldn't hurt to list a few more.
We are troubled by one thing though — who drives a stick nowadays? Haven't stick shifts become obsolete by now? We have cars that can literally drive themselves, how are stick shifts even a thing anymore?
Bacteria Buff
Some experiences of human existence can make you want to give up on mankind altogether. The morning commute can be one of them. This bumper sticker is here to remind us of the silver lining.
No matter how terribly uncultured some of our fellow humans seem to be, there is at least a tiny bit of culture you can count on them to have.
Making Jack Black Proud
This one might need some introduction in case you aren't familiar with Tenacious D and their iconic song "Tribute". Tenacious D is a two-member band created by Jack Black and Kyle Gass, and "Tribute" is their greatest hit. It is also one of the funniest songs on the planet.
The sticker paraphrases lyrics from the single and you'll have to YouTube the song to get the full effect. Trust us, it's worth it.
Why'd You Put It on, Then?
Sure, people rarely change their minds after seeing an especially poignant bumper sticker, but has it ever occurred to you that this is not what they're for?
The way we see it, bumper stickers are simply made to help people wear their own opinions on their proverbial sleeves. Well, that and give people something to read when they're stuck in traffic.
Philosophy 101
This car must belong to the body inhabiting the reincarnated soul of Plato. It's just that no one majors in philosophy these days so he had to contract his teachings into one bumper sticker and hope for the best.
While these are all important questions, we do have a couple more to add. Like, does time even exist? Or, if money is essentially numbers displayed on a bank computer, aren't we all slaves to machines already?
Kitties By Cray
Cats are unlike any other pet. Their stereotypical personality traits usually come down to mean jerks who think of you as nothing more than the hairless ape who fills their food bowl. The cat living in this driver's house is anything but stereotypical.
Since she refuses to stay medicated, the owner thought they should warn others about her for good measure. The only question still unanswered is how does she operate a gun with no opposable thumbs?
Sadly, That's Illegal
Stupid people are here to stay. They are a force of nature, designed to help us appreciate the fact that we have evolved while other humans were left behind in terms of evolution.
This bumper sticker, though, is here to remind us that once we are done appreciating our superior intelligence, there is a way to make the stupid a little more tolerable.
Got Played By a Sticker
Driving a Mercedes can make a person feel like he or she is better than those who aren't driving one, and in some cases that might be true. Well, financially speaking, anyway.
The level of sophistication required to create a bumper sticker that automatically burns anyone looking at it is unparalleled.
Consider Us Honking
Imagine driving back home, dreaming about the moment you can just plop on the couch and do something comforting. You start debating on what kind of thing that might be — having some tea, meditating, reading.
Then a car passes you by and you see that sticker on the back. A godsend. You have made up your mind. You honk with gratitude.
Easier Said Than Done
We control our own destiny. Or, at least, that's what all those self-help books keep saying. Still, sometimes we can't help but let our day get destroyed by a random idiot crossing out path.
This little bumper sticker is a good reminder that we have to live with a random idiot every once in a while, but those idiots have to live with themselves all the time. And that's way sadder.
Honestly, Same
As adults, we often have to do things we don't want to do. Things like going to work, cleaning the house, paying the bills, and driving a huge machine on the road every day. All the while we would much rather be lying in bed, drinking with friends, or, like this driver, just going line dancing.
This bumper sticker belongs to someone who is not afraid to call things by their name. We appreciate.
Check Out the Back
There is so much you can learn about a person just by looking at the back of their car. Take this driver for example. We know he is from Boulder, Colorado, and that he isn't into his ex-wife anymore but is very much into Michael Cera.
We also know he has a daughter and that he is a self-proclaimed bad driver. It is practically a full biography in the form of a motor vehicle.
Don't Text and Drive
Texting and driving don't go together. Unless the place you are trying to go to is your untimely demise. That is pretty much the message summed up in this sticker right here.
Our only concern is that the writing is so small that any driver trying to squint in order to read it could be just as distracted as someone texting behind the wheel.
Go Fish
Oh, how we love this sweet little decal. Just look at it; so sweet, so innocent, so wholesome. It must be protected at all costs.
You know what? We love fishing too. In fact, we would very much like to join you on your next fishing trip. We will even cover the drinks.
There Is So Much Going On
Oh dear, where do we start? Should we address the obvious huge decal smack down in the middle of the back windshield? Or maybe we should first talk about the license plate that gives Maine some dubious reputation?
How about we draw attention to the bumper sticker on the right suggesting that this car has been in places you don't want it to have been? You know what? Your call.
Do People Actually Honk?
Was this bumper sticker put there as a practical joke or just the actions of someone who has zero problems sharing personal information with the world?
Either way, you have to hand it to the guy for keeping it on. Only someone truly secure of his masculinity could carry the weight of such a sticker on his back.
Car-o-Saurus Rex
How do you spot a soccer-mom car? Easily, with the stick-figure family splayed on one of the windows.
And how do you spot a soccer-dad car? Easily, with this t-rex devouring the family of stick-figures splayed on one of the windows.
Stay Back, I Have Kids
You have to be careful around a car that has children in it. You don't want to accidentally harm those precious souls. But you should also bear in mind that they can be not so precious and harm you.
Now, what kind of harm can a nine-year-old kid cause anyway? Well, if you park too close, you'll see that the child can be pretty skilled with a key.
Bumper Stickers Inc.
There are a few things we can learn about this Jeep owner based on the art on the back of their Jeep. First, they are fans of Monsters Inc. Second, they are proud Americans.
We do wonder though, how do you America? Maybe it involves feeding apple pie to your bald eagle while singing the national anthem.
Kids on Board
Well, that's one way to let others know that there are kids in this car. Sure, there are more, but are they even half as fun?
This parent could have opted for the regular stick-figure families we see everywhere, but then how would other commuters know what kind of fresh hell is expecting them if they happen to hit the vehicle?
The Da Vinci Dog
Traffic, road rage, and irresponsible drivers are more than enough to put a damper on your daily commute. But every once in a while, you'll spot a dog sticking its head out the window, enjoying the ride with its tongue hanging out, and your day becomes instantly brighter. Such is the case with this car and the pooch it drives around.
But what happens when the windows are closed, you ask? Well, when there is no wind to enjoy, this cocker spaniel enjoys creating nose art on the glass, which, coincidentally also makes everyone's day a little brighter.
Want to Take Your Chances?
We wonder where this lady took her stats from. Is it like a 23andMe situation? Do you just send a DNA sample to a remote lab somewhere and get the results a few weeks later?
Do they also test how much of a person is sarcastic? Or annoying? Or likely to stick the information on their car for everyone to see?
Like Real Men
The world is full of misconceptions of what it means to be a real man. You know, like being into sports, monster trucks, and a teeny tiny emotional range. Simple.
This sticker, however, changes the game, stating that real men simply die in cars with no airbags. If only we knew sooner. Honestly, though, to be a real man you just need to be a man with a tangible body. There. Done.
Good Thing You Don't Have a Huge Truck Then
People who cant drive shouldn't be driving. This thing should go without saying but somehow, some people need to have everything spelled out to them. And even then, they might need a little extra help.
Dude, if you can't drive, you just don't. What you don't do, is get a gigantic truck and splat your inadequacy all over the back of it.
Texas Tool
What kind of Texan has this person met to have gotten that sticker? We bet there is an interesting story behind this one.
Maybe the proverbial Texan stole this driver's sweetheart and galloped toward the sunset never to be seen again?
Life Lessons
We learn something new every day. All we have to do is look around us and just absorb the life lessons that come our way. Apparently, those lessons can even be taught by a decrepit bumper sticker.
We are not sure whose brain came up with that quote but we hope this modern-day Confucius has more pearls of wisdom to offer.
Must Be Quite a Collection
We would like to express our gratitude to any person involved in making two of the stickers we have in this collection. This world wouldn't be the same without your sense of innovation.
Making sure jerk drivers don't reproduce should be at the top of anyone's priority. Also, letting jerk drivers know when they are being jerks even without an operating horn is more important than we realize.
Meta
Remember that scene in "The Office" when Dwight and Jim set up an impromptu birthday party for Kelly? Remember the sad gray balloons and the black-and-white sign that literally says "IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY."?
This bumper sticker is giving us the same vibe. Somehow, though, we're the opposite of mad.
So You Drive the Batmobile?
Isn't the Batmobile black? Because we can't think of any other car that might need jet fuel to operate. Maybe Batman decided to get it painted and rent it out for joyrides.
Either that or the driver is simply exaggerating. Though, what are the odds of that, really? We'll go with the Batman thing.
Dad Jokes
Dad humor has become an unbelievably prominent genre in comedy. From being used as a tool to unintentionally embarrass your kids, it somehow circled around in irony into an acceptable form of entertainment.
This brings us to this decal found on the back of what must be the truck of a very proud father and some embarrassed offspring.
Probably Found in LA
Los Angeles is full of people trying to make it in show business, which is the toughest business there is. A tiny pinch of them will actually live their dream, while the rest will eventually give in to other career choices. We will let you figure out which one is the woman driving this Mercedes.
Hopefully, she has a plan B for life. We recommend gardening. We hear it's good for mental health, plus you get to grow your own produce so the partially starving part is sorted.
Anything for the Ladies
Ladies, picture this: you are out and about running your errands on a hot summer day, craving nothing more than a can of cold beer, and then you come across a nice police officer riding this little wagon. Ah! Salvation!
We just wonder what happens if any guys around are getting a little thirsty. Could there be a different police vehicle driving around helping them out?
The Need for Speed
Road safety is no joke. This is why lots of people have a black box installed in their car, designed to monitor safety factors like seatbelts, brake systems, and yes, speed too.
This driver seems to like going on a wild joyride every once in a while but knows better than putting others in danger. At least he's being a good sport about it.
But Why?
This sticker brings up more questions than answers. What is the problem with toilet paper rolls? What happens to them if left in a car overnight? Do they hold secret TP meetings trying to take over the world?
Also, Why is it important that other people on the road know about it? Your guess is as good as ours.
You Pray to God With That Mouth?
What we see here, ladies and gentlemen is a conflict of interests. On one hand, we have a display of a person's faith in the form of one of the Ten Commandments.
On the other, we have some words that any kindergarten teacher would be horrified to hear. This collage of human experiences all cramped into a little sticker is awe-inspiring.
Self Awareness Is Key
Some people are just so oblivious of how they come across. In their minds, they are being the best version of themselves. To anyone looking from a different perspective, however, things couldn't seem more different. That is clearly the case with the owner of this car.
This guy knows he's not a godsend to mankind and is not afraid to acknowledge it. Somehow, putting it out there makes him look kinder than what the sticker paints him to be.
This Driver Must be Loaded
This bumper sticker comes to us from Germany, and for those of you who don't speak the language (or can't guess), let us translate. The inscription here reads "Official sponsor of the finance minister".
Anyone who drives the German minister of finance must be making unbelievable amounts of cash. We wonder if the minister has ever thought of trading his chair for the driver's seat.
Priorities
Someone in Utah has a slightly different set of preferences than the rest of mankind and is dumb enough to make it public knowledge.
We have to ask, though — if safety comes third, what comes first and second? Our money is on speed and a loud sound system.
The Horror
"Student Driver," the new horror movie starring an obscure actor is coming to theaters near you this summer. Looks like a smashing hit. A smashing hit and run.
We just hope that the poor Honda survives this. Hollywood producers can be so reckless with stunt cars sometimes.
Thanks, Jerry
There are so many quotes out there. Inspiring ones, motivating ones, thought-provoking ones, you name it. We wonder why this person chose to decorate his car with a depressing one.
Though "something" is a pretty comfortable word. Can that something be sitting on the couch and eating ice cream?
Reduce, Reuse, Re-stick It Under Your Windshield
There are so many initiatives designed to make recycling fun — depositing bottles and clothing swap parties are just the tip of the iceberg. Still, if there is one thing you need to sell an agenda, no matter which one, there is only one thing you can turn to — making whoopee.
This clever bumper sticker would have people thinking that those who take care of the world are having more fun. With any luck, it might inspire others to do the same.
Don't Get Distracted
This might be a little overwhelming at first. There are so many bumper stickers on this car it's easy to just give up on reading them altogether. We brought this picture, though, thanks to one sticker, and one only. Can you guess which?
Among all the empowering, socially sensitive messages here, lies a single red sticker with the words "Think. It's not illegal yet." There are more than a few hoods we'd be happy to stick this on.
What ARE You Then?
This person wants everyone to know that he or she is definitely not vegan. Fine. But that doesn't clear much up.
There are so many diets and nutritional regimens to choose from — keto, paleo, intermittent fasting, low fat, high carb, and just plain gluten or lactose intolerance. So which is it? We simply have to know. Except we kinda don't.
No Politician, No Bad Music
This person has some very clear messages to slap on the back of their Cadillac. First — politics is bad and it's only a matter of time until anyone involved in it starts to reek of it.
Second — the only one who has a good taste in music is the human driving this car. This cowboy must be fun at parties.
A Car With a Potty Mouth
Nothing like good old-fashioned road rage to inspire a bumper sticker that is both cheeky and to the point.
The driver must have been fed up with all the honking coming in stereo and figured that a little message on the back bumper couldn't hurt. We wonder if it helped.
Asking the Tough Questions
This is the kind of thing that makes you think. We could go on and on about translations saying different things, or the meaning behind the passages, but we'll keep it short and point out that the verse this bumper sticker brings up (1 Timothy 6:10) isn't seen as saying that MONEY is the root of all evil – money can do lots of good things!
What the verse is saying is the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Still, there are some “churches” out there that we feel still fall into this category.
He's Earned It
So not only does this guy have a bumper sticker that is telling you to back off while driving, but he also has a few other things that tell you why you should probably leave him alone. On the left side of the license plate is an emblem for the United States Marines, people you should probably avoid irritating.
On the other side is a sticker of a purple heart. Unless this guy is trading with stolen valor (unlikely), he was wounded in combat. Believe it or not, the hex code color for that purple is 400366 – the license plate.
I Have a Lot on My Plate Right Now
Look, sometimes you just have to prioritize. This person found a bumper sticker he or she thought was funny, and has been proudly showing off what he or she thinks is important in life ever since. That must take up a lot of time.
We hear the classes for becoming a lesbian are more intense than for becoming a social worker. Though anybody that was friends with a social worker during college already knows that.
Our Favorite Fictional Creations
We're not going to get up here and say there are no good men anymore, but there are plenty of people who might come to think that the world has run out of people who would be able to stand up to the previous generations.
Of course, what makes a good man is always up for debate – does he have to be strong? Smart? Kind? Generous? Fresh from the fight? We hope that this person eventually finds that there are some good men left in the world, even if they tend to just put their heads down and work.
We Shall Ride Across the Wild Savannah
It's a nice thought to have, but even if things do repeat in such a way, we likely won't be around to see them. For instance, humans and dinosaurs were separated by about sixty-five million years – you can't exactly nap through that kind of time.
Of course, there are those who also say that we still have dinosaurs on Earth – you watch them flutter around the bird feeder, eat them for Thanksgiving dinner, and avoid their poop while you're taking a walk through the park. There aren't any birds you can ride, but that's what the scientists say.
Learning to Live Together
DC and Marvel have been at odds for a long time, and plenty of comic book fans out there will stand behind their preferred brand no matter what. There are plenty of others, however, that have realized the awful truth – you can like both of them, and nobody will care.
You can wear a Batman shirt while seeing the latest Marvel movie, and only the most die-hard goons will take any umbrage with it. This bumper sticker features the greats from DC and Marvel and has them all assembled to fight crime.
Ah, So That's Why We're Going So Slow
Some women might be natural leaders, but there aren't a lot of them that are natural drivers. Also, if you feel it necessary to point out that you're a natural leader, there's a pretty big chance that you aren't one.
Finally, has this kind of snarky, annoying bumper sticker ever changed anyone's mind? If you're stuck in rush hour traffic behind someone that has this bumper sticker, you don't spend the next ten minutes meditating on the idea; you get frustrated that you have to look at it for so long.
Heh
There are some people who know that one single bumper sticker is going to be ten times more effective than a back bumper that is covered with slogans and sayings. And this one...this one is going to be memorable. A pair of planets make for a great joke, even if it's a little blue.
Plenty of people out there will still giggle at a good Uranus joke – they just really think planets are funny, apparently – and there are few that work as well as this one. You really have to have a Saturn to pull it off, though.
What?! No!
A wise father once gave his child some sage advice for the road. He said, “Son, while you're driving, assume everyone else on the road is a homicidal maniac out to kill you.” And that will serve many of us well.
To many drivers, other cars don't have people in them – they're just things that get in your way while you're zooming to work, to the store, or back home. This bumper sticker is a good reminder that those cars are metal boxes that contain other people. Even if you like speeding, maybe they don't.
Lots of Late Nights
Thankfully, not all bumper stickers try to change your mind about a big issue with a single pithy sentence. Some of them just try to get you to laugh, like this one. At least, we hope that this one is supposed to make you laugh and isn't an actual warning.
Maybe the driver has narcolepsy. Even if that were the case, this person wouldn't be the worst driver on the road by far – at least he or she warned the other drivers. There are plenty of people out there on the roads that will just expect you to adapt.
But You Aren't Drunk Now, Right? Right?
It wouldn't be a bumper sticker if it took something funny from somewhere else (in this case, it's the classic comedy “Caddyshack”) and made it...well, not as funny. But, this person was really proud of being able to brew their own beer, so of course, the only way to tell others was to get a grody bumper sticker and put it on the back of the car.
What are we supposed to do – applaud? Stop you and ask for a drink? This just kind of seems like something that gets police pulling you over multiple times a day.
Don't Mess With Us
We hear the Alaska Highway is quite the journey – it's a total of over thirteen hundred miles and driving it both ways will put a lot of wear and tear on your car. You'd think for something that was so much work, they'd proofread the bumper sticker a little closer.
Spelling is often up to whoever is doing it, but we've never seen “dammit” spelled with only one M. Still, the kind of person that has this bumper sticker doesn't care that you want to correct their spelling. They have another long trek to start.
Okay? And?
Somebody is clearly thinking some deep thoughts about their life. What do they really want to keep close to them while they're on this wild ride called life? What things are really important, and what's the best way to say that? Obviously, get a bumper sticker that says how much you like coconuts.
There's a period there and everything, which, as we all know, means that you can't continue the conversation with something like, “the taste is okay, but I've never been a fan of the texture.” Hey, didn't you see the period? We will hear nothing else about coconuts.
Sort Yourself Out, THEN Drive
For many people, driving is something you do every day without fail. You're so used to the turns and signals on your daily commute that you can do it without even focusing on the road. Which is, obviously, pretty dangerous.
Then there's this person who is so distraught over something (hard to tell what, exactly) that the only way to communicate it was to put a sticker in the window of the car. But guess what – just because you have a sticker in your car, that doesn't mean people won't honk at you if you're being a goober.
Probably Shouldn't Drive, Then
So you've been hitting the bottle, and now you need to hit the road. But wait! That's one of the few things you aren't supposed to do, no matter the situation. Even a single drink is enough to keep you from slipping behind the wheel of your whip.
The whole spirit animal craze seems to be dying down, finally, but that doesn't mean there still won't be some people who say that salmon or certain alcoholic beverages or Keanu Reeves or whatever is their spirit animal. Nothing against Keanu, of course, the guy's great, but he isn't your spirit animal.
The Cat Will Hear You
Even if you aren't a cat fanatic, there are few things people like more than getting to say hi to a friendly cat. Sometimes you want to play fetch-the-mouse, and sometimes you just want to give them a nice scratch around the neck.
Well, the person in this truck isn't content with just saying hi to one cat – he or she wants to make sure they ALL know that there is a message for them. Surely even if you've never seen it spelled out, you've made this sound to get a cat's attention.
We're All Cockroaches, in a Way
Franz Kafka was a German novelist and short-story author who wrote several 20th-century pieces, often fusing fantasy and realism. Surreal things like a man turning into a cockroach, as well as the term Kangaroo court from his novel “The Trial.”
He certainly had lots of ideas, but were they all that good? This bumper sticker seems to think so. We don't know which points are the right ones, but there's a reason that Kafka is so widely-remembered. Maybe the idea you're supposed to take is to burn most of your work because it's horrible, and you're horrible.
Nowhere Left to Go
Even if you think you're a looker, going to Los Angeles is going to take you down a peg. And, with all the hedge fund managers, investment bankers, and business leaders that make up New York, plenty of people can think faster and do better – at least at those things.
Most people in the world will fall into the camp between these two areas, and they shouldn't feel bad. But if you're the kind of person that feels something stirring deep in your soul when you see this bumper sticker, don't worry – there's always Chicago.
Time to Get Funky
Yes, it says that it's optional, but that doesn't mean you should always take it off. It's on a person-by-person basis. Old uncle Ed, who drinks more beer in a day than he eats vegetables in a year, should most certainly keep his shirt on.
And if you even try to take your pants off, Ed, then you're in big trouble. Still, it's nice to have the option. But check out the sticker that is in place of the license plate – if you aren't in the right space, everybody had better be dressed to the nines.
Makes a Lot of Sense, Actually
Thinks that everything you own should be its? Doesn't do any work? Always wants more food even if it's had more than enough? Yup, this bumper sticker checks out. In fact, we'd go so far as to say that pretty much every cat is a communist.
Some cats are much better – they pull their weight catching mice, or actually provide some sort of use – but a lot of them are content to laze around the house while you do all the hard work. Darn commie cats, sitting around and doing nothing.
Thanks for Letting Us Know
There are a whole lot of weirdos out there that think referring to the furry animal they saved from a cage as their child is endearing, and we're here to tell you that it isn't. Stop it. Get some help. Take this bumper sticker, for instance, which makes it seem like saying you have a child that drinks out of the toilet is a good thing. It isn't.
There are germs in there. Oh, but it's your dog? That's fine, then. There's nothing wrong with that at all. Certainly not unsanitary and unbecoming. An animal is not your child.
Don't Tempt Us
It was Winston Churchill who once said, “Democracy is the worst form of government – except for all the others that have been tried.” There are lots of people that have problems with the way Democracy is done in their little neck of the woods, but that's because they're silly muffins that would have a problem with anything, no matter what the situation was.
Trust us; if they were under Communism and they were being pressed up against the firing wall because of a bumper sticker, they'd have some complaints then, too.
It's What's for Dinner
We aren't about to get into a debate about vegetarianism right now, but there is reason to believe that red meat isn't as bad for you as it was once thought to be.
Of course, if you're only eating beef, that's not good either, but it won't hurt you to have a burger every once in a while. Ever had a beef wellington? If you haven't given it a try – it might change the way you think about things. It will certainly change the way you think about beef.
How Many Trees Must a Man Walk
Spotted in one of the more wild areas of the United States – Santa Fe, New Mexico – this bumper sticker seems to think it has the solution to all of life's ills. Get out into nature and forget about the rest of the world for a little while.
We love walking through the woods. A little bit of peace, away from phones and email and cars, should serve to rejuvenate you. But are they the answer to everything? No. We know for a fact they can't help do taxes.
You Know – Like Hillary Clinton!
For some reason that no one fully understands, people think that women are more likely to be Democrats.
In reality, it's much more of an even split than many people think, but that doesn't stop some people from creating bumper stickers that try to get others to think women are all Democrats. Not only that, but apparently they are also fun at parties.
He's the Man
When it comes to red-blooded Americans, it's hard to get any red-bloodier than John Wayne. The man was a titan of the silver screen, and he brought an undeniable gravitas to his time as a Western movie star.
Whether he was looking for people who had fallen under brutal savages or he was facing down a young buck in the town square, he would not flinch. No, he wasn't perfect, but none of us are. This bumper sticker is all about the main man of the Western movie genre, proving that even if you're dead, you're never gone.
Give It Your Best Shot
Truth be told, we aren't really that sure what this bumper sticker is supposed to be saying. We think that by “chariot,” they mean the car itself, meaning they'd rather be surfing than riding in a car. But we don't know if that's correct or not. It could mean anything!
Maybe this person owns an actual chariot, and that's not even the most important part of his or her life. If that's the case, did they have to make this bumper sticker themselves? We can't imagine there's a big market for stickers that mention both surfing and chariots.
Read It Again
At first glance, this bumper sticker looks like one of those classic things you see in an elementary school that tells you the right way to go about your life. But look again. It's nonsense, is what it is. These sayings literally mean nothing, because you can't eat school and you can't stay in vegetables.
We guess you could go to culinary school or something like that, and maybe “Stay in vegetables” means you should continue to eat the proper amount of greens each day, but that's the best we can come up with. It's not supposed to make sense.