Wisdom teeth removal gifts us with wonderful stories. Different parts of the brain wake up at different speeds, which is why we get so many stories of people saying goofy stuff. Their mouths and the speaking parts of their brains wake up before the “I will remember this and know what I’m talking about” parts.
In this story, what likely happened was muscle control hadn’t restored itself just yet, so the patient couldn’t move them. His or her tired mind translated this to “bones wet.” When things are wet, you dry them off with a napkin. It all makes so much sense.
Getting That Second Left Foot Removed
That's all we have for this story, so we get to put on our thinking caps and come up with some explanation or details for this. Some people blurt out their big secrets when they're put under, some people talk nonsense to their doctors, and some people just mumble incoherently, but it takes a true glowing spirit to admit you just want to dance.
We have to believe the hospital staff wasn't about to let someone get up and cut a rug right before or after a big operation. At least the patient was kind enough to give the nurses fair warning.
Just Keep Swimming
Ah, the universal constant. Shark dreams. Our brains do some silly stuff when they're asleep – even more so when we've been put under by chemical cocktails and then subjected to surgeries. This person's mind retreated to the inky depths of the ocean to pretend to be an apex predator for a little while as the doctors did their job.
He might have been sad to wake up and find he only has one set of teeth, but the people in the ward around him were probably pleased. He didn't get to keep being a shark, but at least he was pleasant about it, too.
Well, Go On. Heal.
We didn't know that about ninjas. Is that true? Hold on, let us ask our ninja friends. Oh wait, we don't have any because they aren't around anymore. For some reason, however, this statement got the nurse to let him try to go home.
Though, we have the sneaking suspicion that she knew what would happen. Sometimes even ninjas need time to rest. She should have said that coming out of an anesthetic isn't healing, it's the wearing-off of its effects on the body. Would he have accepted that answer? Probably not, but it was worth a shot.
Good Taste From the Very Beginning
Can't say we've ever heard the artist Uncle Kracker, but if he elicits this kind of response, we'll pass, thanks. This woman didn't want the first song her child to hear to be this one, but what would be a better choice?
Something classic, such as “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon and Garfunkel? Maybe beautiful and sweet like any of the wonderful versions of “La Vie En Rose”? Louis Armstrong's unforgettable “What a Wonderful World,” perhaps. There are lots of options, and many of them are better than Uncle Kracker. We listened to a few. It's not baby-birthing music.