The human body should be running at a temperature anywhere between ninety-six degrees (Fahrenheit, obviously) and ninety-nine degrees. The optimum temperature, according to SCIENCE! is ninety-eight point six degrees. Of course, people are rarely that exactly, with most actually sitting in the ninety-seven-degree area.
If your temperature is above a hundred degrees, like this gal, you’re probably sick, but you also probably already knew that. The kid she’s texting must have gotten a little bit of information mixed up, assuming the thermometer was a pregnancy test. No, buddy, she has a fever, and she’s not coming to class.
Read the Signs
It's a little difficult for us to parse the relationships going on here, but our best guess is that Lisa is the mother to Alexa, while Blue is the mother to Missy, who is most likely one of Alexa's acquaintances. Thus, when it was discovered that there was a sleepover in honor of what we assume is Alexa's birthday, Blue had to ask the tough questions for her daughter.
But, Lisa pointed out the obvious – Missy didn't get an invitation, so one should assume that she...you know, wasn't invited. Sorry Missy, you just didn't make the cut.
Be Sure to Check Out by Noon
Parents can sometimes feel like they aren't being appreciated. They feed you and clothe you and put a roof over your head (most of them do, anyway) and then you go out and spend all day with your friends. Some of them might just realize this is you learning your way in the world, but some of them can get sarcastic with it, as Papi has done here.
Trust us, he had lots more he could have said to his girl Harley, but being a good dad sometimes means knowing when you need to keep your mouth shut.
It's All Becoming Clear
Let's do a little bit of quick math. Thirty-two dollars, one dollar per margarita. That makes for approximately thirty-two margaritas (plus or minus one margarita). One person was thrilled to find out they had only spent a little over thirty bucks at the bar until the friend pointed out the special event that was taking place at the bar.
The original texter wasn't aware of this, which tells us a lot about how the night went. The follow-up questions were probably things like “Why am I in Ontario?” or “Where did my pants go and why do I have a cape?”
I Just Wanted to Get Pancakes
A case of mistaken identity turns into one of the funniest conversations we've seen. A daughter just wants to spend some quality time with her mom and go to IHOP. You know, get some pancakes and syrup and coffee and whatever else you might want. They serve burgers now.
The mom must have gotten a new phone, and immediately flies into a tirade. Mom insinuates that the texter is cheap, is hitting on the wrong woman, and would be a waste of time. And then the hammer drops. We don't get to see the next response, but we bet it was good.