This is an open letter of apology to everyone from Hawaii who eats spam. I am sorry. I really am. I’m sorry that you eat it, I’m sorry that you think it tastes good, and I’m sorry that you think it’s food. But, I will not believe you. Your canned meat is sickening.
And I’m sorry for those of you who go to Hawaii expecting to enjoy a nice relaxing time on the beach with maybe even a massage and instead face confrontation by ukuleles and spam. A complete vacation ruiner. For those coming from the mainland (i.e. most of us in the country) they call it mystery meat.
Florida -- Boiled Peanuts
I have nothing against peanuts. They are delicious, most particularly roasted. I would even eat them raw if I was starving. But, boiled? No. There is nothing that would drive me to eat boiled peanuts.
So, what would drive a person, especially somebody in Florida who has the best orange juice and taffy, to boil peanuts? You know a food item is no good when it comes from central Florida, which is basically the worst part of Florida.
Georgia -- Peanuts in Coke
If it's one thing I've never thought to combine is peanuts and coke. Nope, never once when I've been drinking a Coca-Cola, have I paused, pondered, and thought to myself that it would be a good idea to throw some salty peanuts into the mix. I know that Georgia is renowned for being peanut land, I mean, it's where Jimmy Carter sold his peanut farm when he became president, but come on guys.
The trend apparently originated in the 1920s when workers didn't want to touch peanuts with their dirty hands so they tossed them in the coke. Makes sense but that was a food trend of the 1920s, people. Now we all walk around with clip-on hand sanitizers sipping on matcha lattes.
Idaho -- Ice Cream Potato
Idaho, we know that you have no claim to fame other than potatoes. We are truly grateful that you supply us with so many potatoes because they are really an all-around great food. They can be creamy, crunchy, soft, and be used as a base for so many things. But, potatoes under ice cream? Is this some sort of April fools joke? It's not, actually.
It's not ethical to the potato and it's surely not healthy. Idaho, we know you have potato pride but the fact that you give us potatoes is enough.
Illinois -- Chicago Hot Dogs
There was a very close call here between Chicago hot dogs and pizza, but the hot dogs took the win. These hot dogs should be renamed "everything but the kitchen sink" because they are exactly alike. It seems like it's some sort of sacrilege there to pollute your hot dog with something poisonous like ketchup.
The Chicago hot dog which has the full assembly is said to be "dragged through the garden" thanks to its many toppings. The hot dog got its inspiration from the "Depression Sandwich," which we think says it all in itself.