No, not the video game. Though that would also be pretty fun to see. There are a couple of layers to this story, let’s go ahead and peel them back. Firstly, somebody owned a pet peacock. We wonder what kind of work that requires.
Second, someone decided to steal the peacock, which makes sense, this is Florida! The big mystery is why he started getting chased by a bunch of angry birds. Was this an in-place security system that the peacock’s owner had set up?
Stealing Cars, Not Children
Wasn't there an episode of “Breaking Bad” that had this very same element in it? This man might have "needed" to steal a car but he wasn't going to have kidnapping on his rap sheet, no sir. That's a bridge too far. Odds are he has his own kids to feed, he doesn't need another hungry mouth at the table.
Even if it's accidental, kidnapping is a special kind of evil that even criminals aren't big fans of, so this guy was careful to leave the kid where he found it.
It Was Because He Didn't Get the Sauce
Okay, now then, this is pretty funny. Unless someone was trying really hard or got really lucky, there isn't much damage you can do with fried chicken. It could poke an eye out maybe, or give someone a bruise, but that's the extent we can come up with.
Still, that's what's written on the police report. Is it possible that the police of the Sunshine State have a big contest to find the funniest thing to write on a report?
The way that headline is written makes it seem like the monkey is the illegal part. But, take a second read and you'll find out that he was, indeed, driving a stolen vehicle. The monkey was just extra.
Is it an emotional support monkey, or something like that? Did the monkey make him do it? Honestly, that sounds like a great Florida Men excuse to us!
Ignore That Part
Not only is this a pretty stupid tactic to take, but it actually ended up being worse for the poor idiot. A traffic incident is a vague description, but it was likely only a speeding ticket or blowing through a stop sign when he didn't realize a cop was watching. But to get out from under that, he gave them dashcam footage of himself robbing a store?
We gather that the guy didn't intend to send in that part, but anything is possible in Florida.