No, they won’t cause scorch marks on walls or shoot down spaceships, but powerful lasers can still do damage. If somebody gets hit in the eye by an idiot classmate, that person could get damaged vision. There are several other ways this could have gone poorly, as well.
So, we think that confiscating something this dangerous was the right track to take for the teachers. A laser that is powerful enough to be seen from the other end of the corridor could probably do some real damage.
Play That Funky Music Scott Boy
Some kids have more obscure hobbies than others. While his classmates were cultivating passion toward painting, dancing, or soccer, this seven-year-old boy was taking it upon himself to honor his Scottish heritage (probably, otherwise, we can't make excuses for him) and learn how to play the bagpipe.
Technically we are all for it. We love music. And we hate to be those people, but we just can't have aspiring little musicians practice during class, you know?
Losing His Religion
This teen is going places. One of these places could be a mental asylum, but it's still a place, and somehow, we think it might even help the cult he'd invented gain more followers.
Once known to his family and friends as Jeffrey, this student had all of his new scriptures taken from him by the school psychologist. We wonder what kind of sanction this new religion has for people who disrespect the holy notebook.
Sneaky Snake
First of all, what kind of little girl keeps a python as a pet? Second, what kind of little girl brings her pet snake to school? And third, what kind of little girl brings her pet snake to school in her backpack and not in a proper terrarium?
There are lots of confiscated animals throughout this article (turtles are surprisingly popular), but this one is possibly the craziest one. We looked into it, and this type of snake isn't venomous, but a constrictor isn't very school-friendly either.
We Hope It was a Plastic Squirrel
This is one of those cases where you stare at a sentence and realize you know every single word of it individually but you've never seen them following one another that way.
Squirrels? Fine. Pencils? Fine. But marrying the two into such a hybrid creature? What kind of modern-day Frankenstein monster are we looking at? Also, the squirrel was plastic, right? Please let it be plastic.
Counting Crow
Nothing beats a field trip. You get to go out with your friends during school time and it doesn't count as missing any classes! For a teacher, though, field trips are quite a hassle because they have to constantly herd kids into not hurting themselves or each other.
Or, in this case, pick up random injured birds and get scratched by them. Good thing that the teacher knew who to call and how to restore order to both his class and nature.
Happy Hanukkah, Kid. Now Hand It Over
Snowglobes are one of the most wholesome and innocent objects ever created by mankind. But even that kind of thing can become infuriating in the hands of a fourth-grader.
Basically, anything that distracts the kid or his classmates from listening during class should not be in class. That's just a rule of thumb. As our research tells us, the little snowy Menorah was given back to the boy after class was over and he kept shaking it all through recess.
DIY Ninja Star
What's with kids and their obsession with ninja stars? This student was so adamant about getting one he literally made it himself using blades and a fidget spinner. (Honestly, though, it's not like he could have just gone to the local Walmart and bought a ninja star.)
However, there is a reason why obtaining a ninja star is next to impossible for a 7th grader, which is exactly why his teacher had to take this piece of ingenuity away.
Try the Don't Be an Idiot Challenge
From the people who brought you the Tide pod challenge, there is a new Sherriff in town, and he is just that stupid. For those of you who aren't familiar with the cinnamon challenge, let us explain: it is a viral social media (YouTube, Tik Tok, Instagram, and probably other platforms) trend in which people challenge each other to eat a spoonful of cinnamon.
The reason why we are facepalming at this is that oftentimes, the people participating in the challenge end up choking on their cinnamon, which is precisely why a bottle of cinnamon has no business at school.
Dude, Just Get a Wig
Somehow, there is more than one hair item on this list. This teacher had to confiscate a student's weave. Although technically it wasn't his, to begin with. To be fair, the student sort of confiscated it from his classmates so looks like he got what he deserved.
Could he be contemplating a career as a drag performer? Because those usually use wigs, not taped-on pieces of hair that used to be attached to other people.
Rice President
When this teacher spotted a student being a little suspicious, they had to investigate. Usually, the student would be trying to hide a phone, a secret note, or perhaps a piece of chewing gum (depending on the teacher's policy). Not this one, though.
The reason for the suspicious behavior was a ball of rice that was meant to be used... as a later snack? A weapon in a future food fight? A present for the kid's crush? You know what, maybe we don't even want to know.
Wet Penny for Your Thoughts
We get why a kid, or anyone, for that matter, would have some pennies lying around. But why would they be kept in a sock? And why would the whole thing be wet? And why would you take this whole wet mess to school?
Such a short story and it still brings up so many questions. Hopefully, the school that the student was transferred to was able to get some answers.
Seizing the Opportunity
Most of the items on this teacher's story are pretty ordinary, but we are here especially for the Pogs.
Those little collectibles were all the rage in the 90s, but we looked into this story and it appears that the Pogs in question were confiscated more than two decades later! Could it be that the teacher spotted the vintage value of those little plastic toys and is now making a fortune selling them online?
Little Juggler Boy
Be it with balls and plastic cups, or responsibilities and social life, on some level, we all juggle. The kid in this teacher's class, though, takes his juggling a lot more seriously than the rest of us.
He practices anywhere. Even in school. Even during class. The random items in his pencil case could only take him so far so he had to bring in his Diabolo... and watch it being taken away just like everything else he threw in the air. We hope the kid got the hint.
Did They Get It Back?
This story is the perfect example of "if you cant beat them, join them." Yelling at the students to stop messing around with their imaginary ball probably wouldn't have yielded the same results.
We appreciate everyone's commitment to this pretend ball they manifested. Too bad (for the students) that they didn't have a second invisible ball to play with after their teacher confiscated their first one. We hope the teacher was gracious enough to give back eventually.
Grandpa Has Some Explaining to Do
This student had the best of intentions. He borrowed his grandfather's cane for a theater project, trying to make his character more believable only to realize he has somehow smuggled a huge blade into the school grounds. Imagine that!
Maybe his grandfather was a ninja or a samurai and never told anyone? Or maybe he didn't know about the sword either? In any case, we don't think the kid deserved to be sent home...
Duck, Duck, Goose Foot
Look, kid, whatever you and your parents do in your free time is your own business. Yodelling by the river? Cool, keep it by the river. Recreational mud pottery? Great, keep it in the workshop. Goose hunting? Fine, keep it... away from us. Or school.
No one wants to see any body part of any dead animal in the same building where they need to make sense of poems and equations.
Under His Thumb
When we first read this story we scratched our heads trying to understand what was wrong with some thumbtacks and why that had to be taken away. After all, aren't there plenty of thumbtacks holding up decorations in pretty much every elementary school class?
A little research revealed the answer — the kid was using the tacks for a trick that made them look like they were piercing his skin. The teachers didn't want any accidents or any other students trying to replicate that trick so it had to be taken away. Legit.
Crafty Kid
Anyone who has ever been a student has had the experience of fashioning some kind of creation out of random objects in your pencil case. A marker pyramid? Obviously. White-out makeover for your scissors? Of course. An eraser man with legs made of pencil tips? Classic.
This student, however, is on a whole other level. He takes the crafty cake with his paper clip art. If we were in the teacher's place we would have put it on display instead of confiscating it.
But Why?
This Redditor has the privilege of being in the top three of our editors' favorites. It's one thing to be passionate about marine animals and spreading fun trivia around. That's how all marine biologists started. (Well, all the good ones, at least.)
It's a completely different thing, however, to bring a dried octopus to class (where would you even get one?) and try to get someone else to lick it. That's how all psychopaths started. (Well, all the good ones, at least.)
Watch It, Witch
This student had a book confiscated from her. Was it a book featuring mature content? No. Was it about anything violent? Also no. What was the problem then? Witchcraft.
Sounds like this girl went to high school in Salem in the 1690s. If she really was a witch, though, she was doing a terrible job trying to cover it up. Thankfully, it didn't end up with anyone being burnt at the stake.
Sweet Tooth
This teacher was faced with a student that had what appeared to be enough candy to last the entire class for a week.
When we hear about a certain candy the size of a human body we think one of two things: either that piece of candy is huge or the reference human is incredibly tiny. Either way, we are going to need to see pictures.
Where There's Smoke There's Ice
Imagine coming to school and spotting a weird object in the middle of the lunchroom. When you see smoke coming out of it your first instinct is to ring the fire alarm, but then you realize that it's wrapped in a paper bag that is somehow not burning — you start believing in miracles.
This is the Lord's work. This is your Burning Bush and you are the Chosen One. Either that or it's just dry ice a fellow student needs for a science project. Once he or she gets it back from the teacher, that is.
Your Guess Is as Good as Ours
There is always one kid in class who constantly has something in their hands. Sometimes it's a pen, sometimes it's a fidget spinner, and sometimes, as it happens, it's a weird DIY contraption made of two phones and a rubber band.
Was this kid trying to build a new kind of smartphone? Or perhaps he was developing some type of alien technology? We might never know but we will do our best to go on with our lives with this mystery unsolved.
That's Not How Pokeballs Work
Those of you who haven't been around for the Pokemon craze might not know this, but all the little creatures from the popular franchise are actually based on real animals.
It looks like the creators did too much of a good job modeling Charizard after an orange lizard of some kind because a kid in this Redditor's class was under the impression they actually caught a real pokemon! Thankfully, the lizard was released back into nature.
What a Hero!
Aw, this one is actually quite heartwarming. The student literally went through the trouble of finding a picture of the teacher, printing it, and taping it to the head of an action figure.
They must think very highly of that teacher to create such a sweet homage. Assuming, of course, the original action figure was that of a superhero and not a villain of some sort. Why would a teacher confiscate such a thing?
That's It, I'm Taking the Turtle
This isn't the only turtle on this list. Apparently, school kids find them surprisingly popular. In this case, though, the turtle was used as a pawn in a vicious game of vengeance.
It looks like one of the biology teachers did something to upset this girl and she retaliated by taking the turtle away. The poor turtle was just caught in the crossfire! We hope it was taken back to a place that is green and full of lettuce.
What About Some Aloe Gel?
Camp counselors have to search all of the kids' bags on the first day of camp to make sure that all the equipment they brought is safe and that the snacks don't contain any ingredients anyone might be allergic to.
While going through one girl's belongings, this counselor found a Tupperware with a certain mysterious substance no one recognized. Well, no one but the girl who brought it. She explained it was used for sunburns. We'd stick with aloe gel, thank you very much.
With a Chick Chick Here and a Chick Chick There
Okay now, this is pretty darn cute. The students heard about her daughter mourning the death of her little duck and wanted to do something about it. Their solution? Let's treat her with a couple of chickens! How adorable is that?
Our only question is just where did they get the chickens? Are two live chickens that easy to source? Anyway, we're happy they were able to find a good home.
Sugar We're Going Down
If you've ever had a pet you were especially attached to, you know all about what agony it is to go to work or school and leave it behind for such a long stretch of time each day. This little girl figured she could either miss her little sugar glider all day or just take it to school with her.
The comments on this story were surprising, with some of the commenters mentioning they have witnessed some other small mammals such as squirrels and even hedgehogs used in class as service animals!
An Artistic Pharmacist
This story takes a weird turn. At first, you hear it was a bag of some crayons and you think maybe the kid is into arts. Nothing unusual there. Even cut-up pieces of Crayola can be a very important component of whatever artistic installation that boy was working out.
Apparently, however, the project in question was him playing pharmacist with his classmates. Oh, and it had nothing to do with art.
Yeah, Uh, No
If you bring an animal to your school, you'd better have a pretty good reason. And while showing off a live scorpion might be a good reason, it's not a very good reason. Even if the scorpion is as friendly as a puppy and has been well-trained not to snap or sting (wasn't one enough?) It's not the kind of thing that belongs in a classroom. One wrong move and the entire school will be in an uproar.
Here's a handy rule of thumb: if the animal is the kind of thing that could be a trap in an ancient tomb, probably don't bring it to class.
We Hope She Liked It
Traditionally, live animals aren't a favorite for teachers. Service dogs are fine, since they're well-trained and there for the student's benefit, but other than that, they're usually a no-go. In this instance, a student brought a live turtle.
If you have some food brought along with you, they're usually pretty easy-going, so we doubt that the turtle itself was actually an issue, but that's still not the kind of thing that a student should have. They're distracting, and they can still pose a little bit of a danger. The next time you want to give a girl a gift, kid – a noble deed, to be sure – do it out of school, especially if it's an animal.
Who Knew Schools Weren't Secure?
With the advent of handheld games, student confiscations must have skyrocketed. They began with the big and boxy game boys, and then to Game Boy Advances, PSPs, and Switches. PSPs were the new hotness for a little while, and this sad story shows just how sought-after they were. When one ne'er-do-well found out that a PSP was being kept in the physics room, it only took a single five-finger discount to make things awkward.
We can't discount the idea that it was a teacher who did this, even. Any of the other students in the class might have also leaped at a chance for one of the famous handhelds.
This Is My Great-Grandfather
Why are skulls so popular to bring to schools? It's because they're pretty rare (ignoring the fact that we all have one inside our head). How many people do you know have one? Not that many people, we'd bet. Of course, it's a super, super creepy thing to bring to school, and we bet it was confiscated pretty quickly after it was revealed to other students.
However, the story makes it seem that it wasn't actually confiscated, it was just the kind of thing that will be the start of a very important conversation between a teacher and the student.
Chew on This Song
A lot of the stuff teachers have to confiscate is dangerous or just distracting, but sometimes a bona fide piece of cool enters the classroom. Case in point, this pen, which is a private, hidden radio. We're kind of surprised that the teacher was even able to discover the student was using it if it's as slick as the description makes it out to be.
But, things that get confiscated must be returned eventually (or most things, anyway), as long as the students promise not to use them again. Even a really cool, fancy, hard-to-discover item like this. Which the student almost certainly started using again.
Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire
We'd love to know how this happened. Or, we'd love to know how this person wasn't tested for being an arsonist right away. We're sure there's a test for that. Though there might actually be a reason for this beyond “kid had a lit match inside his or her pants.”
The friction of pulling the match out of the pocket might just have provided enough heat to catch the accelerant on fire. Denim can provide a lot of friction, and some of those pockets can be pretty tight. Still, why did the kid have a match? Probably not for a good reason. CONFISCATED.
Ah, the Classics
You just can't beat the old tactics. This seems like something that is right out of the fifties with a superman mag hidden behind a history book. You'd think that kids these days would be a little more tech-savvy, using their phone to watch Netflix or something like that behind the history book. Or an English book, in this case.
You gotta give the kid credit for trying to have some fun in class without making it too complicated. The comic book was still confiscated because the classroom is a place for learning and not reading comics, but good job kid. You'll go far in life.
This Was a Superhero, Wasn't It?
We get a best-of from one teacher, which includes some of the top hits: live animals, pranks, and more. We have a bunch of questions. Why bring a live bird inside – and how, exactly, did the teacher confiscate it? Just let it out the window? Then there's the hand buzzer. Was it just a harmless prank? Yeah, that's pretty much what they are. Still, not nice to have in the classroom.
Then there's the luchador mask. Why take that away? We know there are dress codes, but it seems a bit unnecessary. Wait, was everything listed here from one student? That would have been great.
Sneaky Bites of Meat
We're on this kid's side. Salami is super tasty, and we know that teachers don't often like their students eating in class, since it's distracting for a number of reasons (smell, sound, etc). This student wasn't about to take it lying down but didn't really go about it too well. Someone repeatedly sticking his face into his backpack is going to attract attention.
The best part about this story is the student could have been of literally any age. A young student could do this, but it almost seems more likely for a college-aged student to do this.
The Catholic Church Has Been Called
This is like something out of a cheesy horror movie from Netflix, but according to this teacher, it really happened. Just like with many of the other stories on this list, there are lots of questions that we could ask. How did such damage occur? Why did the student think it's necessary to bring the plastic statue to school?
Finally, for what reason did the teacher decide to keep the statue “for many years”? That's the start of the horror movie, but at least this one seems to be a little more original than “childhood fable turns out to be real.”
An Absolute No-Go
Well, that's certainly not going to fly for more than a nanosecond before the aggressive child gets put in immediate detention and his parents and/or guardians are called. These days, at least. Maybe back when this story happened, it wasn't as focused on as much, so the aggressive student was able to get a few good prods in. Of course, even back whenever it took place, bringing a cattle prod to school is no Bueno.
A cattle prod is just incredibly cruel to use on another student, and should not only be discouraged but punished heavily as soon as possible.
It Only Gets Worse
Where was this school? The Australian outback in the nineteenth century? The untamed wilderness of New Mexico during the wild west? Oakland? This teacher had the poor fortune of having a young student pull a knife on him or her during the very first week of work. A casual teacher is like a substitute or relief teacher, which might explain why this student was so immediately aggressive.
Having your normal teacher be taken away and replaced with a random nobody is no fun for young students. If this is how five-year-olds act, imagine the teenagers of the place. They're probably running businesses. And not the good kinds.
Please Don't
PROBABLY got freaked out? PROBABLY?! If you saw a sandwich bag full of spiders, would you PROBABLY get freaked out? Or would you absolutely, one hundred percent, yes incredibly very much definitely get freaked out? We know which option we're leaning toward. Is there a more uncomfortable sentence than “sandwich bag full of spiders”? We say no.
How full is full? Full to the brim full? Sorta full? If you even open the bag a tiny bit you will be covered in spiders full? We have decided to let others do the tests to figure this one out.
Opposites Attract?
We're going on the assumption that these are items from the same student, and if you can figure out how the two sets work together, then you get a prize (prize to be determined later). Magnets aren't really much of an issue, we hope, but a fold-out javelin is the kind of thing that is going to get confiscated each and every time.
Maybe the student was trying out for the track and field team, and he wanted to use his own special javelin. Oh, maybe he was going to bury the magnets in the ground to attract the javelin for a world record distance!
We Wanted to See if It Was Like “Star Wars”
No, they won't cause scorch marks on walls or shoot down spaceships, but powerful lasers can still do damage. If somebody gets hit in the eye by an idiot classmate, that person could get damaged vision. There are several other ways this could have gone poorly, as well.
So, we think that confiscating something this dangerous was the right track to take for the teachers. A laser that is powerful enough to be seen from the other end of the corridor could probably do some real damage.
Well, Those Are the Rules
In the classic card game Uno, a switch card (or “reverse” card) will turn the flow of the game around to go back. They can also be used to take someone's attack and send it right back, to the hilarity of most of the game. Sadly, they don't work with the same kind of power outside the game, much to the dismay of the student in this story.
We hope that the teacher kept the card to use it against the student at a later date, because how funny would that be? Oh, you don't want to write an essay about “The Catcher in the Rye?” Too bad, now you do. Boom.
Where's That Kid With the Match in His Pocket?
Nothing beats fireworks. When they're proper, at least. And outdoors. And everyone is safely distant. Catherine wheels are pretty heavy-duty, so we almost have to wonder what other kinds of ordinances this kid has available to him.
Bonfire night (also known as Fireworks Night and Guy Fawkes Night) is a big event in the United Kingdom, every year on November fifth. You know – “Remember, remember, the fifth of November.” That's the one. It's pretty much a chance to get together, shoot off some fireworks, and have a good time. As long as you aren't in a classroom.
I'm the Dragonfly Man
Dragonflies are friendly little guys, who love to hitch rides on hair or clothing, but sometimes they can be a little too trusting. In this case, a young troublemaker figured out that he could catch dragonflies and hide them away inside his backpack. They make a certain amount of noise, however, and the teacher would always find them.
If the teacher didn't, however, we wonder what the kids' house looks like. Is it just dragonflies all the way down? That would be kind of neat. But pretty noisy. And messy. And dragonflies poop, too, so it's going to be stinky. Actually, it doesn't sound very neat.
Better Than a Locker Room, at Least
Most of the time finding out that a student has a can of deodorant is cause for celebration. At least then he won't smell like...well, a teenage boy. On the other hand, the spray versions of these handy chemicals can be used to start fires. And yeah, they might only stay lit for a few seconds, but it's still fire.
The story is written a bit oddly, but it sounds like they were setting each other on fire. During class. Even the most fun-loving teacher is going to put a stop to that pretty quickly.
She Already Knows What She Wants
Year one is, in case you weren't aware, first grade. If you had a first-grade student coming in to show off her new diamond ring, you'd probably think to contact the parents of the girl, too. Remember, children are liars.
So, if you ever see a child with that kind of bling and she says that her mom said it was fine, remember that she's most likely lying. In fact, let's just go with IS lying. On the upside, this is the perfect kind of story for the mom to tell at the daughter's wedding when she has her own rock to show off.
Maybe They Were for Lunch
Not just one, but TWO uncooked chicken breasts. Chicken is quite healthy, and is probably the best meat to eat for a number of reasons, but...it should not be carried in the pants. It's not every day you have to write that kind of sentence, but here we are. We bet the teacher from this story didn't expect to have to confiscate two uncooked chicken breasts, either.
Was the chicken for eating? That's the only reasonable option, right? That or practical jokes. But other than hiding them and letting them stink, there's not much you can do with pieces of raw chicken.
Good Way to Teach
Shoes stink, that's a straight fact. Some of them might smell bad, and if the student with foot odor lets his or her feet breathe, others will suffer. This teacher decided to take a stand against the stink and tossed shoes out into the hallway.
This forces the student to retrieve his or her shoes by walking across the dirty floor in stocking feet, or even bare feet. It's the perfect kind of response: it doesn't hurt the student other than pride, and it will teach others in the class that there are consequences to their actions.
We Have Several Questions
Why did the child bring the blade of a pipe saw to class? Was this a spinning pipe saw or a hand-powered one? Did it fit in his backpack or did he have to carry it around himself? Was this for shop class or something like that? Is that why the student didn't even get in trouble? Was it sharp? Did the student have the rest of the saw somewhere? Did the student get the blade back after class was over?
All these and more on the next episode of “What the Heck is Going on at That School, and How Do We Get it to Stop.”
A What Now?
We can't really fault the student in question for bringing this kind of item to the classroom. It sounds pretty cool. But, maybe it's not the sort of thing that all the other students – as well as the teacher – would appreciate seeing. Also, for what purpose does the child have a badger skull? Do they live in the wild west?
If you've ever seen a badger skull, you know that there isn't anything all that special about them, except for maybe the teeth. It might be cool to have if you're a kid since it's a skull, but other than that, just leave it at home.
What If They Were Thirsty, Though?
Water is the most important physical item for life to form, and to continue. Average adults are supposed to drink three to four liters of the stuff a day for their bodies to work properly. So when students start carrying around enough water to quench their thirst, it's not like teachers can confiscate it. Unless the water is in a plastic bag, of course.
It's not the traditional way to imbibe, but we guess it could still work. Unless those bags are also turning into water balloons to throw at fellow students. This is why some people can't have nice things.
What? I Like Spoons!
Having plastic spoons is never a bad idea. What if you find some soup? What if you need to help eat some ice cream? What if you need to create a small hole in the ground, with enough space to hide something like fifty spoons? Bam, spoon. They're very helpful. And yet, we have to wonder why this lass was carrying so many plastic spoons in her pockets.
Is there even enough space in pants for that many spoons? Maybe she was wearing cargo pants. That's what they're made for, after all. Carrying lots and lots of spoons.
Quick, Get a Drawing of an EpiPen!
Most teachers are pretty happy with letting students do some art as long as they don't have to be doing anything else. Then there's this kid, who decided he wanted to use his precious free time to draw a picture of a peanut to antagonize another child. The teacher could have turned this into a teaching moment on allergies, or bullying, or something like that, but confiscating the picture is a good first step at least.
Problem is, peanuts are pretty easy to draw, so he could have just grabbed another piece of paper and doubled up on the artistic expression.
Gonna Have to Confiscate Those Fun Toys
What is bad for the children ends up being great for the teachers in this story. Why the kids all wanted to buy Nerf guns on a field trip is beyond us, other than they're really fun. And the teachers figured that out quickly once all the kids fell asleep.
Kids have plenty of fun on school trips while parents and teachers have their hands full with keeping them in line, but this time the tables were turned. It's nice to see that teachers are more than mean oldies who live at the school and don't like fun.
What ELSE Am I Supposed to Bring to Show and Tell?
For little boys, grenades are awesome. You throw them and then they explode! What could be better? We don't think that this guy wanted to make anything explode, but a student bringing a grenade to school is still some cause for alarm. Thankfully, the grenade was long-diffused and probably no danger to anyone except for the uptight teachers of the place.
The student most likely received a list of items that he shouldn't bring to school, which we've sure dissuaded him from seeking those really cool things out. Another problem solved by the brilliant people teaching our children.
But Blue Is the Best Flavor!
Honestly, this is a pretty great gag. The problem is, it could lead to REAL gags if impressionable young eyes see this and decide to try it for themselves when they get home. The best part of this story is the thought that a cleaner could feasibly grab this bottom in order to clean up a smudge on the windows, only to smear sugar water all over the glass.
April Fools Day never ends, people. You always have to be vigilant. Even from the things you trust the most, like Windex. We trusted you, Windex, and you betrayed us. You were our brother!
Grounds for Expulsion
A student brought an “almost life-sized” Chucky doll to school and he wasn't expelled immediately? What kind of den of horrors is being run at that school? For those not in the know, Chucky is the little killer doll that comes from a movie of the same name.
It's inhabited by the spirit of a serial killer and continues that dark work in its new life. Also, it's way creepy-looking. A student brought one to school! Not only was that student not expelled, but the teacher who kept it in the classroom wasn't even fired. Or jailed. Teachers' unions are far too powerful.
What Were You Using Those for?
We bet that teachers as a profession would love to be able to use handcuffs as a tool of the trade. Of course, shackling kids to their chairs would get a lot of angry parents to their doors. So, when a student brings a pair of handcuffs to school, teachers can't use it themselves.
They also can't allow the student to keep them, for what we hope would be obvious reasons. Then the teacher had to remove them and bring them to the office, which gave the coworkers plenty of opportunities for ribbing.
Keep an Eye on Him
Uh....huh. We wonder how this kid is doing now. Is he a survivalist who can subsist on the dew from plants for days on end? Or is he currently awaiting trial? Whether it's one of those or something in-between, hopefully, he learned what not to bring to class. We are, truth be told, a little bit worried about what was going on there if these were things coming with students.
A sharpened tent peg? Maybe we don't want to know. The best-case scenario is vampires. Best case. And a dog chain? Not a dog itself, or just a leash – a chain?
The Natives Are Restless
As a teacher, you need to make sure you have the respect of the students. Not only because you're supposed to be teaching them, but because there are way more of them than you. So, when a well-meaning kid brings brass knuckles to school, sometimes you just don't have a choice.
Yeah, he just wanted to show his friends, but they're still a weapon and they're still not allowed in the halls. Thankfully, now the teacher has some protection of his or her own with the brass knuckles. None of the students are going to skip their homework anymore.
Arts and Crafts
Taxidermy sounds pretty fun. You get to keep your favorite animals around, you can pose them the way you want, and you get to practice your sewing skills, all at the same time. One gal wanted to get started on building her taxidermy resume while she was still in school. She also wanted to bring her finished product to show off to her friends.
A stuffed kookaburra isn't what you would call a dangerous item – a kookaburra is a small bird – but it apparently didn't look very good. Seems to us the reason the teacher confiscated it was because it was too ugly.
Should Have Waited Until “Hamlet”
During “Macbeth?” Shameful. When it comes to the bard's best, it's hard to beat the story of the Scottish general who became King after a trio of witches deliver a prophecy. Everyone thinks “Hamlet” is so great, but The Scottish Play beats it by a country mile to many. We aren't putting down pudding, but you have to pay attention to the classics.
What would this student be doing during the segment on “Othello”? Eating Oreos? Perhaps the pudding was an allegory for the inner turmoil of Macbeth as his dastardly wife urges him on to greater and greater evil. Somehow.
Where's the Rest of It?
“Field day,” for those that don't know, is a way to celebrate the end of the school year with a day of outdoor fun, events, and treats. And, for one student, the perfect opportunity to show off his new truck fender.
How exactly that was going to happen has to be left up to the imagination, but since the student had to drag it in, we imagine it was little more than pointing at it and saying “check it out. Truck fender.” It was the end of the school year, he probably wasn't all that upset.
Eau de Swamp
In case you weren't aware, “bless his heart” is southern for “he's a little idiot.” Throwing water on some girls is a time-honored tradition when it comes to little kids. Sure, it's gross and distracting and they shouldn't be doing it, but it's generally pretty harmless. Unless it's swamp water, which can contain any number of creepy crawlies, diseases, or bacteria.
Seeing as how this kid could barely read, he should probably have been paying attention to the blackboard, and not to soak his classmates. By itself, a Tupperware of water isn't too bad, but it's not the kind of thing you need to have during school unless all of your water bottles have leaks.
Too Much Power in Those Beans
You could play 'em, race 'em, and collect 'em. Mighty Beanz was a toy that featured lots of different characters, but it was just too much fun for some stick-in-the-mud teachers, including this one. It was too much fun for the student to have while in class, but the student never even got it back.
The teacher was sucked in by the fun and strength of the Mighty Beanz. Way better than having to gather things like knives or live animals or, we don't know, mini toaster ovens. The teacher still has it, even to this day.
Was It at Least Around the Holidays?
Snowball fights might be common when the snow covers the ground, but there can be some other fights as well. We have to hope that the ornaments were the traditional round orbs that will bounce harmlessly off chests or heads, but there are a lot of different kinds. Snowflakes that are covered in glitter, crystal reindeer, ceramic Santas.
Depending on what the students had to use, this fight could have broken out into an all-out war. Oh, and then there are the icicles that could be used for close-quarters combat. Thankfully, the teacher stepped in to diffuse the situation before things could get any more violent.
I Want to Be a Mama Duck
We've all had that thought that we could start to amass an army of fowls when we see a single egg, lying alone. Usually, of course, we're told that we shouldn't mess with the egg, since the egg's parents wouldn't appreciate it. This student didn't get the message and was carrying around a duck's egg for who knows how long.
Of course, it was a waste of time, since the egg either hadn't been fertilized, or it hadn't made it past those early stages. It was spoiled, and spoiled eggs stink. The teacher had to hand out some harsh knowledge to the girl.
At Least It's Healthy
For most kids, salads are the worst thing imaginable, unless you can add things like ranch, cheese, croutons, and chicken nuggets. Dang, that sounds really good. Some kids, on the other hand, don't mind a bit of crisp, crunchy lettuce, like this student. It's almost as if he was practicing his sleight-of-hand, and had moved on from balls and cards to entire heads of lettuce. Or, this was one of two known instances of spontaneous lettuce.
The only other time it's happened was in Surrey, England, in 1986, appearing in the middle of the road in front of a delivery truck that ended up crashing into an ice cream van.
Good for Some Classes
While smartphones have taken over the function of this little device (and thousands of others), we bet this thing was a hit back in the day. It might not have been allowed during a language class, but it was a learning tool, and those are usually not only allowed but encouraged. Unless, as in this case, they're too distracting for the students to pay attention to world history.
If the student was spending his or her off-time training up on Spanish, French, or Japanese, that would be fine. Just don't do it during class. You have to learn about Richard the Third right now.
Uh, Hello? Can You Come to the School?
Like most tortoises, gopher tortoises start out quite small, able to fit in a child's hand without issue. When they've grown up, however, they can become more than a foot long and more than ten pounds in weight. This student just wanted a pet during class, but, as this article shows, it's not a great idea. Especially for an animal that is on the endangered list.
We doubt the tortoise was hurt – they have those shells, you know – but it's not the kind of place for a tortoise that needs all the help it can get.
He Is the Spider Whisperer
Okay, so the kid likes spiders. That's not so bad, right? What's that, you've never heard of a redback spider? They have another name: the Australian black widow. Highly venomous, highly dangerous, and they're small enough that the bite marks are almost impossible to find.
We are not spider experts, but the fact that this kid wasn't ever bitten even though he hunted these spiders down every day for a month is practically a miracle – and if he had been bitten, it's possible he could have died. We wonder if it was the same spider every day. That would have been wild. And maybe worse.
Uh...Thanks?
If you ever receive a gift of hair, you're going to be confused. Unless you're bald and need to create a wig, this is not a gift you want to receive. And if you're like this teacher and you receive a bag of literally every strand of hair she's ever had cut, you need to notify the police because that student is going to cause some issues once she grows up.
We bet there are huge, long stories that led up to this event. This isn't a confiscated item, but it was still too weird for us to pass up when we found it.
Like Big Marbles
That's one way to get the class's attention. And we would be hard-pressed to find another teacher who had to confiscate EYEBALLS, even if they are glass eyes. And the number of times a teacher has been allowed to place a student's eyes inside a plastic bag is almost certainly one. How on Earth did this kid get the idea to take his eyeballs out and throw them around?
People with autism think about things in different ways, but this is just bizarre. And yet, it happened, which we're sure was great fun to all the other students in the class.
The Case of the Confiscated Item
There are a couple of perfectly reasonable explanations for why this story happened. The phone case had naughty words on it, or it showed inappropriate graphic images. We're going to ignore those and go with the story that the teacher was actually an alien trying to get back to its home planet, and all it needed to complete its rocket ship was a phone case.
That specific phone case. The perfect size, shape, and density. Otherwise, the egg sacks were going to break down, leading to “Engsplum,” which results in termination. Yeah, that's why.
Don't Know How It Happened
It's about time you learn, kids – teachers are people too. Yeah, they don't do a very good job of making that fact known, but it's true. They might have had other dreams and aspirations once, including being star yo-yoers. Yo-yoists? But, after years of teaching kids how to do long division or the differences between psychology and psychiatry, those skills sometimes go out the window.
Just like this yo-yo did after the teacher tried to impress her students. Ah, property damage. Nothing makes a day of school more exciting. Especially if it's the teacher's fault. Did the student get the yo-yo back, or was it double extra confiscated?