If you ever want to imagine someone being at a loss for words, imagine this police officer watching this happen. A man who very well could be a tractor monk riding on the front (we’re imagining the hood) of the tractor while it rolls down the street.
Was he under the influence? Had he discovered inner peace? We may never know. We do know that fixing and righting a tractor is going to cost him a pretty penny, and not being in control of your vehicle is a pretty good way to get arrested for reckless endangerment or something similar.
Sounds Pretty Funny to Us
This is one of those delicious stories that just begs us to keep asking questions. Why was this clown arrested? Was he working when it happened? Maybe it was part of the show! If so, we have to give props, because it's quite the gag.
It sounds like the kind of birthday party that you really wish you had gone to. The kind of thing that is spoken of in whispers when you are in the halls of one's school. All of the kids who were there have a different reason for why the clown might have been arrested, but none of them will approach the truth.
Wipe Before Getting Cuffed
Police get called out to defuse situations that might explode into violence every once in a while, but not often does it happen when one person is in the home's smallest room. Was he just trying to relieve some pressure or was he arming for an inevitable full-on argument?
We have no other information about this story, so we don't know how it ended or how it started, but it's hard to stand up to the police when you're sitting on the porcelain throne. Dollars to donuts (police joke!) the argument was cooled down and everybody got back to their day, no matter what it entailed.
Doesn't Seem All That Uncomfortable, Honestly
When we aren't in the right mind we tend to do odd things. If you've been taking a little something that tends to affect how you think, you'll end up doing something like falling asleep on a hot dog in your car.
We do wonder why a police officer got involved with this, but if you saw someone with their head on a hot dog as they slept inside their car, you might wonder if that person is in the right kind of health. Well, no, but she isn't doing anything to hurt anybody and shouldn't be driving in that kind of state.
He Could Get Sick
It takes a little bit of time to figure out why this guy needed a police officer to speak to him, but you have to remember that even if it's raining, being totally nude out in public is still kinda illegal.
Well, yes, illegal. Some people might not mind getting to see it depending on the person riding the bike, but it's still illegal. Plus, if you find yourself riding around on a bike while fully naked in the rain, maybe you should go back inside and think about your life. There might be some things that you need to change.
Honestly, We Have No Idea
Really, we don't know. We can understand doing either of these things – making a fire out of newspapers to keep warm, or pulling down your trousers to answer the call of nature. But doing both at once, and in this sort of manner? We don't know why, and we don't want to know why. Ever.
This story also gives us a fun dose of physical comedy. Is there anything funnier than watching a man with his pants around his ankles fall down? We're going to say no.
A Very Confused Bingo Caller Watched
Not every story has to do with public intoxication or public flashers. Thankfully. Some of them have to do with nursery rhymes that have come to life. We'd like to know exactly how a police officer managed to tie up a cow since they can't exactly be cuffed.
Maybe cuffs would help, but it's not like they can put them into the back seat of a police cruiser. Maybe a police truck? Since this happened out in the country, they probably have some special equipment to help wrangle livestock. Or, they used extra handcuffs. That's probably it.
I Can Hear Your Lies
Nothing beats a story that has a punchline. A cop pulling over a speeding lady is nothing special – though going seventy in a forty-five zone is going to raise plenty of eyebrows. But then they have the chance to run into each other again, and the cop gets the last laugh.
Plus, Ma'am, even if you were going fifteen over, that's still over the speed limit, and if you were in a forty-five zone, that's a full thirty-three percent higher than the posted limit. Remember this story whenever you hear about some mean cop from somebody who got a ticket. Of course, this is also a story without any evidence, so who knows.
Hands at Two and Ten
The life of a police officer in a dense, busy city is never easy. You have to deal with lots of drunk college students, for instance, but at least this story doesn't have anything illegal. Save for, we guess, driving dangerously.
There's a good chance that you've never been to Minneapolis, but let us tell you – the roads there are disastrous. One wrong move and you'll smash into a concrete barrier, another car, or some pedestrians. So taking your hands off the wheel to argue with your friends using sign language is a recipe for disaster, but at least it's unique.
I Get That a Lot
Maybe he was training for a role, maybe he was just giving back to his community. Whatever the reason, this Pitt lookalike probably enjoyed being tied to one of the most famous and conventionally-attractive actors in the biz, but after a while it likely got old.
We also really like the criminal's response. It wasn't to get wide-eyed at the idea of being arrested by Pitt, it was to angrily say the man would never profit from his box office tickets again. We wonder if the real Pitt has ever heard this story, and what he thinks of it.
Well, I Don't Remember How to Take Those Cuffs Off
If you're a parent, you know how easily problems can be solved by asking the right questions. Criminals tend to not be the most intelligent of sorts, so a clever query will trip them up enough to make the truth obvious.
In this case, it took just a single question to give the police officers a good enough reason to call the case closed and bring in their man. Thing is, it's really hard to come up with a response for finding out the car you're driving is stolen. Literally, nothing makes sense.
She Actually Did the Right Thing
Being drunk out in public is a common way for people to get in trouble with the law, but at least this woman wasn't trying to drive home.
She just wanted a ride home from a cab, but just so happened to find a campus officer. What else was he supposed to do? Not drive the drunk woman home? Well, that's exactly what he did. It's one of those fun, simple stories that can be told and retold for laughter as the years pass by.
Let's Just Both Forget About This
There are few things more nerve-wracking than having to sit in your car and wait for the highway patrol to saunter up to your driver-side window. But the cop and woman involved in this story got something way worse than a speeding ticket or another day on the job.
The woman avoided having to pay out, and both of them got a story that we're sure has been told over and over, with embellishments that get added on as time goes on. At least when the driver tells it, anyway. We're sure the cop doesn't want it to go on any longer than it has to.
A Good Enough Lesson on Its Own
The best part about this is he had no other option than to call the police himself. “Super drunk” isn't a medical term, so it's hard to tell if he was still sauced by the time the police arrived or not, but after several hours of hanging by the fence, we bet he was feeling the hangover.
Nice of the cops to just let him go. We have a pretty good bet that he learned his lesson. Plus, if he wasn't drunk anymore, what were they going to do? Charge him for getting stuck on a fence? That isn't a law even in the strictest counties.
Well, Sort Of
Look, we don't know. We don't know why anybody would want to do this. Skateboarding, as a rule, is something that is pretty dangerous, so if you're going about without any protective gear, you're risking your life and a limb. And quite a bit more, if you're this kid.
The story is a perfect bit of miscommunication, but we wonder why the cop asked that specific question. It's perhaps that it was supposed to be a joke from the very beginning, or it might have been a real question that the cop needed to know. We don't know, maybe there are rules about learning all the information before going looking for a naked skateboarder.
Just a Little Mix up Here
If you're wondering, the original story doesn't actually say “butt.” It says something very similar, but not exactly the same. After a long car chase and the potential for plenty of violence, you'd probably get your words mixed up, too.
On the other hand, we're sure that the criminal in question got the gist of the message, and stuck the appropriate body part high. Maybe after a few seconds of confusion, but it's hard to not acquiesce when a police officer is cornering you, after having chased you for who knows how long.
At Least She Wasn't Armed
Well, no wonder she went out drinking. Losing an arm is never easy. The police officer here had to display some quick thinking to make sure she was properly shackled, and from our research, it appears that this is how you are actually supposed to cuff amputees, at least in the military police.
Well, think about it – how else are you supposed to do it? It wouldn't be safe to attach the suspect to the inside of a cruiser. In the case of an accident, it would be a mess.
Target Acquired
If you're the kind of person who is more than willing to show off your fandom each and every day, there are some extra rules that you need to follow, including not wearing a mask while driving. You have to be able to see and hear everything around you.
The next time you're headed to a convention, remember this and you might not only save yourself the trouble of a ticket, but you might also not get into an accident. This cop was willing to let this Star Wars fan go without a ticket, but you might not always be that lucky.
Not the Kids' Show You Remember
Adulthood hits all of us pretty hard. Even the perpetually happy sponge that lives next to Patrick and Squidward might have some trouble adjusting. He's not ready anymore.
Singing has a calming effect on lots of people, including drunk people who would do better where they can't hurt themselves or anyone else, so why not come up with your own song to the tune of the Spongebob theme song? At the very least, the cop working with you will find it funny, and then he'll get to tell the story again and again. Back to the Krusty Krab with you, sponge.
Well, Everything Checks Out
One of the things that you have to remember about police officers is they can be pretty smart and insightful. So, if you try to pull this kind of trick, the kind of trick that wouldn't even fool a child, it probably isn't going to fly.
Here's a tip for people – if you're honest with the police officers, nine out of ten times they won't treat you too badly. On the other hand, if you try and delude them with something this stupid, all you're going to get is a ticket. The police officer is going to get a funny story, but you won't.
There Can Only be One
Just so you know, a domestic is people who live in a home getting into a fight. Usually, they happen between man and wife, but this one was two brothers. If you're a brother and you have a brother, you know that fights between brothers can become knock-down, drag-out affairs that simply don't end.
Did the cops actually get involved when they saw this battle? Gardening tools, vegetation, frozen chicken – how exactly did frozen chickens get involved? Did they go to the freezer and get them out for the purpose of this fight? Were they already out? Who won?
It's Like the Greased-Up Deaf Guy from “Family Guy”
Police officers have a tough job sometimes. They have to deal with violent people, angry people, drunk people, and all three of those could be together as one. This story has one of those three, but at least it wasn't the other two.
Somehow this guy had covered himself with Crisco, a brand of shortening, and that makes getting a grip on him impossible. How many cops did it take to get this man secured? We hope it was three, at least.
Another Case Closed
Well, if that isn't just diabolical. This poor lady in her sixties thought that she was being haunted for weeks, but it was just the goober who lived next door. What convinces a person that he should do such a thing as a recurring trick?
We also wonder if there's anything the police can do other than give the guy a very stern talking-to. Maybe unlawful entering? We aren't lawyers, we don't know. On the other hand, now that the gig is up, we hope that the person responsible for this donated the devil costume to charity and went on with his law-abiding life.
Scare of His Life
One of the most rewarding parts of being a police officer is knowing that you get to catch criminals red-handed, even if it doesn't happen that often. So when this police sergeant got word of the perfect opportunity, he wasn't about to let it slip past him.
All it took was a few words (we removed one to keep things friendly) and the criminal was caught...well, not red-handed, but brown-panted. The police officer might have had to clean out the inside of his cruiser that night, but it's the kind of story that he was able to tell his grandkids, and that's worth plenty of lingering smells.
The Duality of Man
Life really takes you places. Sometimes you become an astronaut, sometimes you become the manager of a grocery store. Sometimes you become a mattress tester, sometimes you become a pirate queen. Sometimes you become a police officer, sometimes you become a guy running from the police.
Even friends who grew up together will diverge along some of those paths. We have to imagine that this kind of tale has happened more than once, especially in small towns where people tend to stay close. What's the lesson to take away here? We guess it could be that even small changes will make big differences in people's lives. Cop or criminal – you decide.
The Life and Times of a Cop
We'd like to know if the duck was dead or not. If not, was it just letting him sit there and pluck out all its feathers? If it was, why was he at the riverbank? One way or the other, we aren't sure what this guy was planning to do, and we aren't entirely sure if we want to find out.
There is nothing in the story about illicit substances or a bit too much to drink, so we really don't know what the next step of the plan was going to be. Good thing the boys in blue got there and made sure, whatever it was, it didn't happen.
Sometimes You Just Have to Watch
If you ever want to imagine someone being at a loss for words, imagine this police officer watching this happen. A man who very well could be a tractor monk riding on the front (we're imagining the hood) of the tractor while it rolls down the street.
Was he under the influence? Had he discovered inner peace? We may never know. We do know that fixing and righting a tractor is going to cost him a pretty penny, and not being in control of your vehicle is a pretty good way to get arrested for reckless endangerment or something similar.
Hola, Policía
Nothing like college to get all the bad decisions out of the way. And there's nothing like sorta-sponsored college events to make sure all of these bad decisions get done when there are at least people around who will be able to help when they inevitably go wrong.
At least this guy wasn't harming anybody. Still, being free in this way isn't really allowed in polite company, especially with so many other people around. Was he really riding a bike without any pants on? The story doesn't mention a bike for this guy, but it was at the bike race. Don't think about it too hard.
Just a Little Unbalanced
Despite how well-built they often are, cars aren't perfect. If five hundred pounds of aunt is stuck on one side, they're going to waver back and forth. Even just putting a couple of bags of groceries in the back is going to change your driving style a little bit. We know you've noticed, don't try to play coy.
If you're constantly trying to keep yourself on the road, the police will notice, but this guy at least had a pretty easy explanation.
Oh Yeah, That's the Good Stuff
This is from the annals of “I saw it in the newspaper,” but we thought it was good enough. Cops have to deal with a lot of people that are using things they shouldn't be, including things that go in their bodies. But, still, shouldn't be. Some of those substances use syringes.
Now look, we all love Dr. Pepper, but putting it straight into your body with a needle? We're going to assume that isn't healthy. Just drink it with your mouth like everyone else. There are also Dr. Pepper Twizzlers! They're not great.
You Came to the Right Place
Talk about good luck that turns bad. This guy would have certainly rather have gone to his dorm and slept off the fun night, but now he has a story about spending a night in jail without having done anything too wrong, and without being charged with anything.
We wonder if he told this story to his friends as soon as possible, or if he waited a little bit of time. Like a year. Or four years. Or, if he's hoping to become a politician, he didn't tell anybody until he was retired.
Every Single Grain
We've all had bad days, so we like to at least hope that this police officer was having a good day before this call came in. What do you say to a person who thinks that her neighbor is stealing all her sand off a beach? We have news for you lady, there's always going to be more sand.
As an aside, did you know there are more trees in the world than grains of sand on beaches? It's one of those things you wouldn't imagine is true, but it is. We think.
He Ate Too Much. He's Stuffed
Hard to argue with that kind of logic. Plenty of speeding tickets get let off with a warning, and you have a better chance if everybody inside is properly wearing your seatbelts.
The funny thing is, in the event of a crash, having the big teddy bear bounce around might have actually been safer than buckling it in, at least for the humans. Still, demonstrating that you do know how to drive safely and just happened to be speeding at that time is a good step toward not having to pay a fine.
You Have to Learn From the Best
A SWAT team is training in aggressive takedowns and attacks. It's almost like they're professional airsoft players. If you're good at something, never do it for free, but we bet that these PD members had a good time showing off their skills against some relative amateurs.
It's important from all these stories to remember, that police officers, even the most highly-trained ones, are people under all that armor and training, and even they have things they like to do in their free time.
Sir, the Handcuffs Won't Stay On
Well, that's good community policing, for you. We didn't know that police officers had jurisdiction over the afterlife, but if this story is any indication, it's just as easy as going in, saying some stern stuff to the spirit, and clamping it with a pair of handcuffs.
Was this one of the bedsheets with holes cut in it kind of ghosts? Jangling chains from “A Christmas Story?” Tell us what we're working with here. Every story has ghosts that work a little differently. No wonder police have to go through so much training.
I Don't Care!
Sometimes, you just have to go. Sometimes it doesn't matter what kind of cars with flashing lights are following you, even if they're telling you to pull over.
The nice part about this is we figure that while the cop probably did write him a ticket – he was not driving safely, after all – it was really just because of the letter of the law, and wouldn't have if it had been safer. This is like the climax of a stupid comedy from the eighties. Having to race home to go to the bathroom, and a police officer starts tailing you.
He's Getting Away Very Slowly
A situation can go from bad to worse in an instant, as this police officer learned. On the other hand, this could have been the fastest turtle ever, and we bet the police still could have caught up with it. But rules are rules, and now that the suspect is armed, we're sure they brought in the big guns.
Maybe they got some veggies at the store or something to distract it. We're sure the turtle would like a carrot more than it would like a disgusting nightstick. We hear those don't taste all that good.
Well, Serve and Protect
That's really all we have of this story, so we don't know any other details. Was the woman acting disorderly due to her drunkenness? Was she just minding her own business? If so, why did the police officer in question feel the need to speak with her?
We'll never really know, but since the drunk girl is described like that – drunk – it's pretty easy to assume that she just wasn't holding her liquor. Then, of course, there's the demand that the police officer helps her with her jacket just because she has asthma. We don't know, maybe it did make sense.
He's Definitely a Dad
What's one of the best weapons adults have against kids? Embarrassment. Once you hit a certain age – around thirty, by most scientific estimates – you lose your ability to feel much embarrassment, and it dwindles further and further as time goes on.
Kids and teenagers, though, think about everything in terms of embarrassment. Thus, the best way to make sure they always remember not to break the rules is to get them to do something embarrassing. This police officer knows all the truth, and even if no one saw it happen, that student is always going to stop for stop signs.
A Toyota Doesn't Have Great Lift
Just like any other person at a job, cops will slip into formulas. The same jokes, the same routes, the same actions they've always done. It takes something like this story to break them out of the formula.
Sure, not everyone has a pilot's license, but eventually, there was going to be somebody who would be able to pull it out, as smug as you can imagine. Of course, this is probably only going to work once or twice even if you do have the opportunity to show off that you're a pilot. Stick to the safer speeds and you'll be fine.
Is This That Purple Rain We've Heard So Much About?
Poor, departed Prince had a lot of stages in his life, but thankfully “public flasher” wasn't one of them. He did put out that one movie, though, and people who saw it might have just preferred he flash them instead of whatever was going on for the ninety-minute run time. It feels more like three hours if you've ever watched it, which I have.
Thankfully, this vagabond didn't have any chance to get away, and he wasn't able to convince the fisherman that he was one of them. From the description, it didn't sound like he had much of a chance anyway.
It's Just Not Something You See Every Day
Rubbernecking is a dangerous practice if you don't know what's going on around you. It usually happens when you see an accident, but there are other reasons, as well. Like seeing a couple of turkey buzzards getting it on.
There aren't even any crimes involved in this story, but it's bound to be memorable. Even better, the cop took the high road and was a hundred percent truthful about why he had rear-ended another car. In most areas, the person rear-ending is the one at fault, even if the other car did stop unexpectedly. Even the CO remembered it.
No, Ma'am, That's Just a Stereotype
We're happy that at least one of these stories is just a cute story between two people that just ends in a warning to be safer. The gal wanted to eat some donuts – and who among us can claim we are any better – and apparently she might have offered him one.
We do not know whether or not he took one, but we bet he didn't. Donuts are great, but it doesn't seem proper to take one off someone that you just pulled over for running a red light.
That's a Good Point
If someone came up to you and asked you to recite the alphabet backward, do you think you could do it? Unless you've trained yourself, we're going to bet no. That's sort of the point of these sobriety tests, even if it does seem kind of counter-intuitive.
If you're trying to do something difficult, being drunk makes them all the more difficult, or even nigh-impossible. Of course, if this guy can't walk heel-to-toe even when he is sober, then he has a little bit more to deal with. Also, he did basically say he's drunk.
Makes Sense, Have a Nice Night!
We can't really be certain, but this guy might not be telling the truth. Then again, plenty of people like to go out for some of the great outdoors during the night, even for a run.
Then again, they tend to have reflective clothing, running shoes, and other gear that makes it look like they're actually out for a run instead of looking like they've just escaped from a mental hospital. Even the thickest police officer is going to be able to put two and two together and decide this guy should probably come along for a ride.
Ah, a Philosophical Criminal
This will really make you pause. Are we real? Descartes said, “I think, therefore I am.” It's summed up as “Cogito, ergo sum.” Maybe not the perfect grammar in Latin, but it still gets the point across. If you can consider yourself a thinking being, are you not? It's philosophical proof of existence.
Do computers think for themselves, or did we just trick them into thinking for us? The increase of AI and computer intelligence have given us plenty to ponder as the guy we were arresting runs off with his hands cuffed behind his back.
Someone Translate for Us
We've left the wording here exactly as we found it, because otherwise how would we know this story came from Australia? Let us help out a little bit: A “breakkie mcmuffin” is a breakfast sandwich from McDonald's, a speedo is his speedometer, and one-eighty km is about a hundred and eleven miles per hour on a highway that has a speed limit of about fifty miles per hour.
How many cars can actually work well when they're going that fast? We've seen a car that rattled so bad it seemed like it was about to fall to pieces if it even got near eighty.
Time to Hit the Gym
No, not technically a police officer, but close enough for our purposes. Did you know how heavy coins are? You don't think about it where there are a few quarters in your wallet or a little bit of change in your purse, but any real amount of money is going to weigh a lot.
It's made of metal, for Pete's sake, the stuff is going to be heavy. How the mom in this story got this guy to agree to this when he had the advantage over her seems like a more interesting story, but we don't know the details.
Digging Herself Deeper With Every Word
If you ever want to embarrass yourself, try to get away with something like this. If someone brings you in for shoplifting, they almost always have pretty good evidence.
It's really hard to cite someone for shoplifting unless they have really obvious things they can point at. Not only because of the whole “innocent until proven guilty” thing, but also if you're tagged for shoplifting and you're innocent, you can turn around and sue. So, if you are picked up, they pretty much already have you dead to rights. Like this lady, who is seriously guilty.
Where We're Going, We Don't Need Safety!
Seeing as how the guy owns a DeLorean, we're going to guess that he gets this question a good ten times a day, which is how the owner was able to answer without hesitation.
It's good to know that he isn't being improper with the use of his time machine/classic eighties car. Or, at least, he was when he was right next to a police car at a red light. Maybe the moment he was out of view he gunned it because he needed to change some detail about the James Buchanan presidency or something like that.