We know why you’re here — because you’d like nothing more than to have a decent conversation with your child, or at the very least, a few niceties exchanged when you’re not occupied with life and other errands.
Unfortunately, in this pie-chart we call “How to spend quality time with your children,” there’s only a small sliver saved for convenient times that make for pleasant conversations, and it’s been crowded out by the rest of your time.
Rules Are Lame
While we would never promote eating while watching TV, there's a good reason they let you buy snacks at the movie theater — it's just so comforting to nibble on something while you're watching a film on the big screen.
This is probably why his mom had to enforce strict rules about eating in the living room, but kids are more clever than we give them credit for...
Cute Pic
This little boy thought it'd be funny to sniff his mommy's behind for the photo, yes it's funny. But it's probably mortifying for his mother!
If this photo is any indication, we'd take a bet that he’s gonna be a handful, this is just the beginning... His mom doesn't seem particularly pleased with this new arrangement.
From Hero to Zero
From having it all figured out to hoping you don't get peed on! These before and after photos are another reminder that kids might just make your life a little less glamorous.
Hopefully, after reading through our list, you're a bit better prepared to jump in the saddle.
Clue #1
Your kid might deny a lot of things, but now you have evidence to prove just how he accidentally incriminated himself.
Uncovering an array of baby selfies is just one way you can feel some semblance of control in your own life again.
Oops
Even celebrities struggle with their kids, that's just how powerful they are, and they know it! This is a pic that Anna Faris shared on her Twitter page of her son, showing just how well potty training is going.
If you're also having issues with your kids, at least you know you're not alone and even the rich and famous struggle sometimes.
Tattoo Markers
Maybe buying tattoo markers was not the best idea when it came to buying a Christmas present for their daughter.
Sure, they’re explicitly designed to stay on for as long as two weeks, but they never expected her to go this crazy all at once.
Snacks
That moment when kids learn there is more than one snack flavor is the moment you realize you've made a huge mistake.
These days you only really ever encounter these varieties in a gas station, which is why it took two whole hours to choose!
Da Vinci
Surfaces can be rather limited when you like painting, so what do you do when you run out of canvases? Do as Da Vinci did and use the wall of course!
Because artists can be notoriously picky about the tools they use in their craft, these parents should feel honored that their little painter used their wall.
Suspect Evidence
This plastic shovel, which obviously comes from a kid's playset, was found in the laundry machine after a wash. Nobody knows how it got there, but we're sure kids had something to do with it.
If you have kids you might know what it's like when you find a towel stuffed down a toilet or lego pieces in the air conditioner vent.
Fireworks
No matter how close the TV brings you to the action on the field, there're some things the cameras and mics can't quite capture, such as the deafening scorch of fireworks, that feeling you might die at any moment.
This can only come from the palpable excitement of having kids. Sometimes you just have to be there in person.
While on Vacation
For such a seemingly simple concept, vacations take on a convoluted story when they're done with kids. Forget those chores and responsibilities waiting for you at home, because you'll have fresh ones to deal with while you're on holiday.
For this family, vacation looks like cleaning up Frosted Flakes every morning with plenty of soul-sweetening natural beauty to miss while you're occupied with your nearest and dearest.
Candy Pizza
What kind of pizza do you want? It's a simple, common question that most pizza-loving people don't give nearly enough thought, usually tossing off a halfhearted "pepperoni, I guess."
But this 3 year old knew exactly what she wanted and she wasn't afraid of judgment. You go girl!
A Scary Place
It's cute you thought that movie about Zombies was scary. You know what might be a little scarier? The secret life of a young child.
Nothing hits the spot like a good ol' maniacal scene, and this colorful alphabet splashed up against a ravenous gang of scribbles. Good luck trying to decipher this!
I'm a Grown-Up
Being an adult may involve cumbersome tasks like doing your taxes and cleaning up after yourself when you've broken glass, but for this toddler, it means freedom to touch sharp objects.
Who are we to get in the way of her preconceived notion of adulthood? Not her mother, that's who.
No, Me!
Yet another great argument brought to you by the toddlers of this household. Perhaps they've always dreamed of being a ghostbuster, to show up and save the day.
Or maybe they've decided that calling the ghostbusters was a much more heroic deed and weren't going to let that chance slip on by.
Outsourcing Chores
Perhaps the easiest job belongs to the kid whose job it was to sit on the training potty. Sure, she MIGHT have to eventually use the potty, but why do that when you can just outsource it to your trusted sidekick?
Clearly, this toddler doesn't understand this assignment, but you can't say she's not resourceful.
Batman's Here
Sure, we'd all like to sound like Mary Poppins but having kids means you'll quickly learn to shrug off the guilt cloak and start perusing more serious cartoon characters to voice your frustration.
If you never thought your personality could change so quickly, then having kids will show you just how creative you can become.
Emotional Regulation
One of the reasons why kids are so difficult to manage is because they just don't how to manage their own emotions, so if one can figure out what calms them down, then life would be much easier.
In this case, a piece of cheese does the trick, and while it might seem simple it could definitely make life a whole lot easier.
Anything Is Possible
When you come home and discover that granola bar disseminated across your kitchen counters, floor, and even the living room carpet, don’t look at it as a mess. Look at how much your kids are capable of with a single granola bar.
Imagine if you could channel your kid's boundless energy into something positive, the possibilities are endless.
Looks Bad
You know how you know it’s 8 pm in a suburban home? Well, you could always check for clues in the hallway.
With diapers spread out, a thrown-over chair, a lonely tennis racket. This site looks more like a crime scene than a hallway in some family's home, but who are we to judge?
So Competitive
We race a lot of cool things all over the world: horses, cars, and eggs in spoons. But to find true innovation in racing ridiculous things, you’d have to search the local carnival, where carousel horses race around a merry-go-round.
Well, it's technically not a race, but this kid thinks it is and he's super excited to win!
Tiny Helper
Pop quiz, hotshot: Which one of these situations is more relaxing? It might be a little tricky, but this guy's tiny helper is not as helpful as you'd think.
With his foot strumming and his hands holding on for dear life, he's definitely not making his dad's music sound any better... "Anyway, here's 'Wonderwall'"
Don't Do It
This is quite possibly the single most important decision you will make in your life and, while obviously not mandatory, there are so many hoops to jump through, so if you make up your mind like this kid, you best be prepared for an onslaught of questions.
When asked what he'd do instead, "Eat." He replies ever so casually. If only we had this kind of fortitude.
A Migraine
Ginger knows what's up with kids, in fact, she's even come up with a new expression to describe a group of them. We would also have accepted shriek and nightmare.
We think this really works – no matter what the situation or where the ‘migraine of kids’ is, it just sounds right, doesn’t it?
A Serious Threat
This kid definitely has a flair for the dramatic, maybe he should consider a career as a performer one day. But for now, his mom will have to keep an eye on him.
You wouldn't want this seven-year-old to get a hold of important information, not when he's this volatile at least!
Big Change
From working it to overworked. The change in footwear tells the whole story. Yes, your priorities will change, like this before and after photo can attest to, but you'll also look completely different. Almost unrecognizable.
It might look like 30 years have passed since the first picture was taken, but truthfully, it's only been eight years.
Rude Awakening
Children might be called belligerent and hostile at times, but they're also great for warning you about the ever-nearing end of your life. Let's face it, none of your adult friends or family members are going to deliver this news with such finesse.
They'll even draw a picture of a waterslide for you, with a metaphor attached. That way, you'll know exactly what they mean.
Before and After
You might not believe this, but having kids is not nearly as glamorous as you've been led to believe. Sure it can be a meaningful and life-changing experience, but at what cost?!
Let's face it, we all want to be the guy on the left. He looks like he doesn't have a care in the world while he's sipping on some ice tea. But on the right, he's been reduced to a step-ladder for a toddler. A STEP-LADDER, people!
Boo!
Nobody would've thought that becoming a parent would mean you'd be terrified of your toddler. But acceptance is the first step, so as long as you can agree to that then you're as prepared as can be.
For many, this act requires no reflection at all, they simply just know how scary children are, and yet they still choose to have them.
Relatable
Let's get this out of the way fast: nothing is as relatable to the popular science fiction film called "Star Wars" as parenting. Where war wages between an evil Empire known as the first order and a Rebel Alliance of heroes called the Resistance.
Only, in real life, you're probably not the hero, simply an ancient Jedi who slowly dies while answering a string of nonsensical questions.
Are You Ready?
One of the best things about growing up was the cartoons, but now that you're older, they don't seem as interesting, making this question even more relevant than we'd know.
If this doesn't make you think before having kids, then you are definitely ready. Tell Spongebob we said hi.
What's Cooking?
Raising a child is a huge responsibility. You'll need to teach them all about safety and fire hazards and that in itself, can be exhausting. Here's a little bit of advice — perfect parenting doesn't exist, so just try your best...
In case of smoke, we all know there could be a fire somewhere, but kids don't think like we do, which is why it's even more important to educate so your house doesn't burn down.
Every Move You Make
You should know by now that whenever you go to the bathroom, you're not going alone, even if you close the door behind you. Your kiddo will be waiting outside the door, checking in on you even if you've only been inside for two minutes.
It's like having a stalker you can't get rid of. Instead, you're obligated to take care of them...
An Innocent Game of Tag
Playing tag can be a good workout, with moving and blood pumping, it can set the stage for healthier kids with stronger muscles. But this game can also turn into a wrestling match that might cause your neighbors to call the police.
It's best to tread lightly with this one and set some ground rules before a fight erupts into full-blown anarchy.
A Two-Way Street
Well, look how the tables have turned, it seems that even kids find parenting hard. In this case, a six-year-old found it challenging to teach her mother how to use the TV remote, and there's even a picture to illustrate it.
Sometimes parenting is a two-way street and as a parent, you're just going to let your kids teach you all you need to know about technology.
Like a Scene from a Horror Film
There is a certain level of the human need to retreat every once in a while and search for privacy or at least a little peace and quiet. Here's another photo showing just how hard that can be once you're a parent.
We're not completely without empathy, but we are filled with fear at the sight of those teeth and claws.
Feeding the Monster
You're not going to believe this, but this collection of chaos is what was found in the air conditioning vent. Apparently, kids find it amusing to wedge in whatever they can find in there and see what happens.
So if you ever wonder where your measuring spoons went, or those decorative eggs, you might want to check your air vents...
Can She Babysit?
Having kids is like being aware of a whole other world you never knew existed, one in which your child speaks to your deceased relatives through the walls.
If that doesn't creep you out, we don't know what will! Either it's time to move or take your child seriously as a medium to the spirit world.
Let It Snow
Apparently, asking your kids to close the car door behind them is too much. What's worse is that this happened in the middle of snowy winter and now the interior of your car looks like a winter wonderland.
It's times like these you really need to dig deep and find that last bit of dignity you have left, so you don't end up in jail.
Home-Schooling
Home-schooling your kids might seem like a more straightforward alternative for some parents, but as many can attest to, having to teach your kids is not as fun as you thought it would be.
In fact, it can be downright challenging, and being made responsible for their education means you might go insane.
We Can Relate
Sometimes imaginary bullies are way worse than the real ones, not only are they always around, but they know just how to make your kiddo cry. If parenting wasn't hard enough already, now you're also responsible for more complex issues, like their self-esteem.
This might just be one of those cases that we would recommend you read one or two of those parenting guides... Is there a section titled "How To Handle Mean Imaginary Friends?"
Passive Aggressive Notes
Someone once said, "it's the little things that make parenting so rewarding," but they forgot to mention that little things also come in passive-aggressive notes written in soap.
Obviously, this was meant to be found, but all we want to know is, what did dad do that was so horrible?
Saturday Mornings Are for...
If you don't have kids, then you can expect your Saturday mornings reserved for sleeping in and eating brunch at your favorite cafe, while you wonder how the rest of the weekend will unfold.
But once you have kids, you don't have time to wonder, all you can do is juggle your toddlers as they squabble about stealing air as you try your best not to lose your temper.
No More Privacy
Another exasperating fact of parental life means never having any privacy, and when we say never, we mean it. If, after all of these clear and obvious warnings, you still decide you want to have kids, then it's totally on you.
What's worse is once your kids are all grown-up and have left the house, you'll miss them so much you'll have the empty-nest syndrome, which is a whole other issue you should be made aware of...
Crumbs Everywhere
When you start a family of your own, you're basically writing up a contract of sorts, one that involves changing diapers throughout the night and cleaning up after someone else's mess for the next (hopefully) 18 years of their life.
This mess can include anything from lego pieces to laundry but the worst offenders of them all are crumbs from crackers or any crumbly foods. You have been warned.
Pumpkid
Imagine waking up to this — either you'd be terrified or proud or a mixture of both. While we may think this is hilarious, few things are more maddening than being woken up by a painted pumpkin head, especially around six in the morning.
So maybe next time you wake up peacefully and soundly in your bed, after a good night's rest, make a mental note to remember how good you have it before you decide to have kids.
I Made It Myself
It's always refreshing when you get photos showing how well your son is applying himself while at school. Other times, you get get a photo like this, which leaves you scratching your head and wondering if he's really your son.
Of course, you would've hoped for better but here’s the thing: in order to achieve those brief moments of parental paradise, you just need to let it go and laugh it off.
Banksy Would Be Proud
Everything is a canvas to kids and they will act accordingly, which is why it's important to only give them paint that can easily be removed or washed away.
That goes for any permanent marker or pen that could be within their reach. You know what? Just keep it all locked away in a hard-to-reach drawer that's only accessible with a 10-digit code.
It's a Little Too Quiet in Here
Leaving your kids to their own devices is a slippery slope on the waterslide of parental responsibilities. On the one hand, kids need to explore and learn how to keep themselves busy, on the other, they could end up burning your house down.
Luckily, in this case, only minor violations occurred that left these plants with only slight injuries on their leaves. It could have been much worse and at least they still have their house intact.
Parent Problems
Here's another example of how being a parent can leave you questioning everything you thought you knew. Now, when you assume something, you might miss the mark completely and you'll end up with a bunch of chips scattered all over the floor.
This just proves that having kids can wear you down in even the most unexpected ways imaginable.
Entertaining All Offers
Having kids means you'll occasionally have conversations like this. Ones that will make you want to return them so you can have some semblance of an adult life back. But one of the worst things about having kids is, there are no return policies!
So once you've had them, you're stuck with them for life and there's no rebates or concession. This is your life now and you'll just have to let them cry because they can't get in the oven with the lonely cornbread.
Slugs and All
Mayhem ensued as slugs escaped from this makeshift hospital and Chris Wilson was left unprepared and at a loss for words. If we were him, we would've told his kids that the slugs were healed and could go back home to their families.
But when you're in this kind of predicament it can be difficult to think on your feet and you may feel overwhelmed by the unpredictable whims of your kids.
When the Bread Runs Out
One of the best things about having kids is being privy to their imaginative worlds that show no bounds, but on the other end of the spectrum, their imagination has its limits.
Playing along with their pretend game can be tricky, you have to pretend their imagined world is real but then need to know where the confines of their imagination begin and end.
Working From Home
If you're not used to working from home, you might have a bit of trouble adjusting to your new office, which is totally understandable. But throw your kids in the mix and distractions are bound to happen.
In this situation, it's important to lay down some house rules or put up a sign for when dad is in a meeting. Don't forget to list answers to possible questions!
'Best Farter Ever.'
This dad couldn't explain all the side-eyes and smirking glances he received from the other parents in his kid's class, but after a tour of his son's class, it all made sense. He found this photo on the wall of his classroom for photos of the year.
It sure is a sweet photo with a dad and his son while holding a mug that says "Best Farter Ever." It would be a shame if it was made public for others to see though, which is exactly what happened in this case.
These Don't Go in Your Hair
Getting something stuck in your hair has happened to the best of us, from chewing gum to a tangled hairbrush. Both of those are problematic to remove but totally doable. But getting a whole box of 'Bunchems' stuck in your hair seems impossible!
Apparently, her brother decided it would be fun to see how they would look in her hair. The result is a complete mess and it took their mother 20 hours to get them all out! If that was our kid, we'd probably have it all shaved off by now.
Zooming in the Shower
Can you imagine how mortifying this must be?! Brian was taking what he thought was an undisturbed shower, only to have his six-year-old barge in with the laptop while the camera was on!
Never mind throwing a tantrum in the local supermarket, this is on a whole other level when it comes to embarrassing your parents. We bet this is going to lead to a seriously awkward parent-teacher meeting.
Oops!
After working from home for the past 9 months, this dad was finally asked to come back into the office so he shaved his beard, cut his hair, and put on his suit and tie, but his daughter did not approve and instantly burst into tears.
He only looks slightly worried, but that's because he knows he'll be out the door in a minute and won't have to deal with the mess he's made. He'll definitely miss his little girl at work.
Dear Dad...
Such a thoughtful and at the same time bleak message to write on a birthday card, she even included a drawing of the grim reaper to add an extra punch.
At least he has a heart on his chest, which is a nice touch considering the rest of the card's content!
Urine Trouble!
Ah, who doesn't love waking up to the fresh and pungent smell of urine in the morning? The best part about this is having to sterilize and disinfect what was once your oasis to get rid of the vaporized smell of pee.
Honestly, there could be nothing worse than the smell of pee diffused through your home.
All Hands on Deck!
Here's another look into the precarious life of a parent, with varying results, the dreaded diaper schedule from daycare. It looks like Maddie got the easy ones, while Brooke drew the short straw.
Brooke was not expecting this kind of explosion and seemed to faint right after filling in her report.
Yikes!
If we've learned anything from kids, it's that peace and tranquility can easily be derailed. In this instance, this family spent their weekend away at an Airbnb to get some of that needed rest, but they didn't realize the bathroom doors had transparent glass, making their stalking toddler even more unnerving than usual.
Even a private trip to the bathroom proved to be frightful. This would be hilarious if it didn't look so scary!
Good Question
In our humble opinion, getting your daily eight hours of sleep is one of life's small luxuries, and having kids doesn't necessarily mean you have to exchange said luxury for sleepless nights. But you will need to accept that the paradigm has shifted and while you can still sleep, it's just going to be different.
Having kids means your sleep schedule will not fit neatly into an eight-hour window anymore, instead you can expect it to be spread over many hours with frequent interruptions.
And What About Tigger?
A short answer to this question would be the Hundred Acre Woods, but instead, Zack got confused by his son's question and gave him a lengthy explanation of the human digestive system.
That's totally on Zack for assuming what his son was asking about, but having kids does mean your mind will immediately jump to conclusions, making you draw conclusions that only question your own intelligence.
A Comedy of Errors
One of the most maddening things that will happen to you when you have kids of your own is people telling you what you need to do before your life changes forever. Stuff like "go eat out as much as possible," and "sleep in."
But the most annoying thing is probably to "go to the theater for entertainment before you have kids," when having kids presents you with so many zany and amusing situations you will have enough entertainment to last you a lifetime.
Vandals
Sometimes all a creative kiddo wants is a blank canvas to draw on. Almost anything can be used from the walls to their sleeping parents' faces. As tempting as it may be to take a nap while your children play, it could result in a scandalous mess.
While your kids may appear adorable and innocent, they are still little sociopaths who will blame the dog for their own villainy.
Kids Will Be Kids
Every parent has an adjustment period, and this period can fall anywhere on the spectrum from overanalyzing every single scratch and scrape their firstborn has, to not caring at all about their child's well-being.
This incident falls somewhere in between — where running into a wall isn't a cause for concern, but simply a calm remark that's stored away in case their child shows any symptoms later that day.
Busted!
This curious case of the cellphone found in the toilet proved difficult to solve at first. When questioned, all three kids in this household claimed innocence and none of them would crack under pressure.
The parents were stumped and not sure how they could find the guilty party. So they looked through the evidence and luckily found photos of the incident that incriminated the culprit. Just another day in the life of a parent.
Let It Go
Having kids means letting of any expectations you may have before having kids. That includes a weekly outing to your favorite restaurant, an exquisite vacation, and that perfectly planned photoshoot.
Now, with your beloved angel in tow, everything is different. It might be tempting to want everything to go as planned but you'd be better off ripping off that band-aid now than letting it slowly devour your hopes and dreams.
Nice ID
This woman's 5-Year-Old son stole her wallet one afternoon and ran off to play with it in his room. A few days later, she got pulled over and all she had to show for ID was this!
That's a tricky one to explain to the officer on duty, "um... Sir, sorry but it seems my kid stole my ID." That would work as a valid excuse, they should just believe you and let you go without a ticket...
The Benefits of Having Kids
What would you do if you were unburdened by the wonder and agony of your bloodline? Probably deal with life's little problems by yourself, but if you had kids, at least you could ask them for small favors to get you out of difficult phone calls.
Oh, the joys of parenthood! Clearly, this text proves that there are benefits to having kids. Now all your hard work and thankless efforts have paid off.
So How Was Your Day?
We know why you're here — because you'd like nothing more than to have a decent conversation with your child, or at the very least, a few niceties exchanged when you're not occupied with life and other errands.
Unfortunately, in this pie-chart we call "How to spend quality time with your children," there's only a small sliver saved for convenient times that make for pleasant conversations, and it's been crowded out by the rest of your time.
Brutal Advice
One quality you'll always hear about kids is their unflinching commitment to honesty. They don't care about your feelings and know how to tell you the truth. It only seems fitting that they take an already difficult announcement and make it even more brutal.
Clearly this six-year-old has won this round when it comes to delivering bad news, her mom is so proud, she even hopes she becomes a doctor just so she can use her creative mind to scare her patients.
Terrified But Hopeful
Having kids means you constantly worry about them. It's relentless, even when they're old enough to drive you still worry (if not more) for their safety, and everyone else on the road!
Of course, with every milestone, there come a few perks. Once they're independent, they can drive themselves around and grab you your favorite order from McDonald's.
You Better Hold on
We all know how much kids love ketchup, we even remember how much we loved ketchup when we were kids! Our parents still complain about how most of the exorbitant grocery bill was due to our monstrous consumption of tomato ketchup.
So what happens when your kid finds out their all-time favorite condiment contains their most loathed food? An inner conflict of the most extreme proportions that Yasmin affectionately termed as a rollercoaster ride.
Welcome to Parenting!
Just a friendly reminder that being a parent means you'll be faced with the harshest of critics, did you expect to have your cooking critiqued by amateurs after slaving away in the kitchen? Probably only if you're an aspiring chef.
It's not all bad though, because you know those same critics think nothing of eating insects or already chewed gum they found on the pavement. So the next time they refuse to eat their veggies and pressure you for some chicken nuggets, you know not to take it personally.
According to Science
Kids are known to have incredible reasoning abilities when it comes to getting what they want. They know exactly how to justify their motives, with indubitable facts that make you question your own sanity.
Who knew arguing with a 6-year-old would be this irrational and at the same time so insightful? In this case, science says hand over the Neapolitan.
Traveling With Kids
If ever you want an up-to-the-minute reminder of what you're doing or where you're going, just have kids with you and they'll be sure to promptly remind you of every moment, no matter how mundane.
Just kidding, this tweet sounds more like an alarm clock that you can't snooze or switch off. It just keeps alerting you whether you want it or not. Oh, and every now and then, your children will yell and demand in a tightly contained space. Have a nice flight!